The Curse of Monkey Island – Insults and replies

by Joonas Linkola part 2 of 2 about 3 minutes to read

Insults and replies

Part 1: Ordinary pirates

Insult: Every enemy I’ve met I’ve annihilated!

Reply:
With your breath, I’m sure they all suffocated.

Insult: You’re as repulsive as a monkey in a
negligee.

Reply:
I look THAT much like your fiancée?

Insult: Would you like to be buried or cremated?

Reply:
With you around, I’d prefer to be fumigated.

Insult: Heaven preserve me! You look like something
that’s died!

Reply:The
only way you’ll be preserved is in formaldehyde.

Insult: I’ll skewer you, like a sow at a buffet.

Reply:
When I’m done with YOU, you’ll be a boneless fillet!

Insult: Killing you would be justifiable
homicide.

Reply:Then
killing you must be justifiable fungicide.

Insult: En garde! Touché!

Reply:Oh,
that is so cliché!

Insult: Throughout the Caribbean my great deeds
are celebrated!

Reply:
Too bad they’re all fabricated.

Insult:When your father first saw you, he must
have been mortified.

Reply:
At least mine can be identified.

Insult: You can’t match my witty repartee.

Reply:
I could, if you would use some breath spray.

Insult: I can’t rest until you’ve been
exterminated!

Reply:
Then perhaps you should switch to decaffeinated.

Insult: You’re the ugliest monster ever created.

Reply:If
you don’t count all the ones you’ve dated.

Insult: I’ll leave you devastated, mutilated and
perforated.

Reply:Your
odor alone makes me aggravated, agitated, and infuriated!

Insult:Coming face to face with me must leave
you petrified.

Reply:Is
that your face? I thought it was your backside!

Insult:I’ll hound you night and day!

Reply:
Then be a good dog. Sit! Stay!

Part 2: Captain
Rottingham

Insult: Your stench would make an outhouse cleaner
irritated!

Reply:
Then perhaps you should switch to decaffeinated.

Insult:When I’m done, your body will be rotted
and putrefied!

Reply:
Then killing you must be justifiable fungicide.

Insult:Your lips look as they belong on the catch
of the day!

Reply:When
I’m done with YOU, you’ll be a boneless fillet!

Insult:You’re a disgrace to your species, you’re
so undignified!

Reply:At
least mine can be identified.

Insult: Your looks would make pigs nauseated.

Reply:If
you don’t count all the ones you’ve dated.

Insult: My attacks have left entire islands
depopulated!

Reply:
With your breath, I’m sure they all suffocated.

Insult: You have the sex appeal of a Shar-Pei.

Reply:
I look THAT much like your fiancée?

Insult: My skills with a sword are highly
venerated.

Reply:Too
bad they’re all fabricated.

Insult: You’ll find I’m dogged and relentless
to my prey!

Reply:
Then be a good dog. Sit! Stay!

Insult: I can’t tell which of my traits has you
the most intimidated.

Reply:
Your odor alone makes me aggravated, agitated, and
infuriated!

Insult: I give you a choice. You can be gutted,
or decapitated!

Reply:With
you around, I’d prefer to be fumigated.

Insult:Nothing can stop me from blowing you
away!

Reply:
I could, if you would use some breath spray.

Insult: I have never lost a mêlée!

Reply:You
would have, but you were always running away.

Insult: Never before have I faced someone so
sissified.

Reply:
Is that your face? I thought it was your backside!

Insult:Nothing on this earth can save your sorry
hide!

Reply:The
only way you’ll be preserved is in formaldehyde.

Insult: Your mother wears a toupee!

Reply:
Oh, that is so cliché!

One guide by Joonas Linkola, in 2 parts. They read in order, and the part you are on is marked.