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Monty Python’s the Meaning of Life – Cheats

by CJayC 21 sections about 46 minutes to read

Preserved exactly as it was written, spacing included: this guide contains maps or tables that reflowing the text would destroy. It scrolls sideways rather than wrapping.

Monty Python's The Meaning of Life
for Windows 95

Developed by 7th Level, Distributed by Panasonic

FAQ/Walkthrough 2.2
3/22/98

Written by CJayC 
Updates can be found at http://www.gamefaqs.com

Contents
--------
I.    Introduction
II.   FAQ History
III.  Known Bugs and Problems
IV.   General Information
V.    Video Clip Information
VI.   Act I: The Stages of Life
  A.    Common Sticking Points
  B.    Walkthrough
VII.  Act II: The Goals of Life
  A.    Common Sticking Points
  B.    Walkthrough
VIII. Act III: The Cottage of Life
  A.    Common Sticking Points
  B.    Walkthrough
IX.   Codes and How to Use Them
X.    The Cheater's Walkthrough
XI.   The Really Impatient Cheater's Walkthrough
XII.  Game Information/Trivia
XIII. Acknowledgements

I.    Introduction
------------------

-- About the Game --

Monty Python's The Meaning of Life is the third (and apparently final) Monty
Python game from 7th Level.  Following the "Complete Waste of Time" and 
"Holy Grail", the Meaning of Life takes you on a journey based on the 1983
film of the same name, through each of the stages of life represented in the 
film.  Then it gets weird.

The game was developed by 7th Level, who merged with Pulse Entertainment on
November 17, 1997, to create P7 Solutions.  Panasonic Interactive Media 
bought the rights to distribute the game (as well as the two previous 
titles), and are "in charge" of the game, its support, and its distribution.

Personally, I think it's a wonderful game, despite the glitches.  It's the 
first of the three games to actually make me laugh out loud for several 
mintues, leaving me barely able to click on the next item at times.  Good 
puzzles, good design, good video-clip selection, and horrible bugs.   

-- About the FAQ/Walkthrough --

Well, I think I've uncovered every nook and cranny in this game...  Full 
walkthrough, hints, 25 cheat codes, corrected mine map, info on going to
almost every area of the game, how to add any inventory item...  Whew!

If you find anything I've missed, please let me know about it!  The only
things missing from this FAQ are probably a Cottage Story Guide (how to
follow all of the stories through to the end), explanations for two cheat 
codes, and the identity of Larry and the two people shown in the credits.

So, there will probably be at least two more revisions to this guide.  One
with final fixes/error corrections and a Story Guide, and one to announce
the relase of a patch (hint, hint).  So, feel free to contribute as you
wish!

II.   FAQ History
-----------------

Version 2.2
  Added cheats for the DOOM level
  Added code explanations
  Fixed a few minor typos
Version 2.1
  Fixed Organ Donor code (whoops!)
Version 2.0
  Reorganized and re-wrote several FAQ sections
  Added twenty-two more codes!  Woohoo!  Nobody better have _any_ more 
  trouble with the game.
  Added debug mode tips on getting to areas, inventory, and Organ Donors.
  Fixed up the Mine Map, removed the detailed guide, as it was flawed.
Version 1.4
  Added Video Clip Information - All found, plus a way to see them without
actually having to play the game.
  Added "Optional" Notations
  Added more info in the "Codes" section
Version 1.3
  Added "Codes"
  Added "Getting Into the Attic"
Version 1.2
  Changed organization from two parts (discs) to three (game sections)
  Updated "Introduction" with tech support information
  Updated "Bugs and Problems"
  Added Map of the Mine
  Addded "How to Get Rid of Big Labour" to Cottage Sticking points
Version 1.1
  Added Cottage walkthrough (up to the attic)
  Added "Bugs and Problems"
  Added "Common Sticking Points" for both discs
Version 1.0
  First edition.  Walkthrough up to the cottage

III.  Known Bugs and Problems
-----------------------------

Yes, it's true that the version of Monty Python's The Meaning of Life that
currently being sold in stores cannot be completed normally.  There is a 
fatal bug in the next-to-last scene game that will prevent users from 
getting to the final scene.  Luckily, there are a couple of workarounds that
allow you to continue.  Unfortunately, that's not the only bug.

If you experience strange problems (items not working correctly, the screen
goes blank), you should probably contact Panasonic technical support (7th 
Level no longer provides phone technical support for games).

Panasonic Technical Support:
  Voice:  (425) 889-7095
  Fax:    (425) 828-8715
  E-Mail: 
  WWW:    http://www.pimcom.com

Panasonic has confirmed the existence of two major bugs (the "X"/Shovel and
Attic Entrance), and has agreed with the workarounds listed below.  They 
have not confirmed that they are working on a patch, or indeed whether or not
one will be released.  However, PIM's technical support is collecting the 
addresses of everyone who writes their e-mail address, and will announce 
when/if a patch is released.

PROBLEM:  Game was playing fine, but suddenly there's no sound.  CTRL+ and -
          keys don't do anything.
SOLUTION: This is an undocumented feature.  The asterisk (*) key on the 
          number keypad disables/enables the sound.  Just hit the key a 
          second time to restore the sound.

PROBLEM:  In the cottage, I'm listening to the Potato's speech that begins 
          with "Excuse me for a moment while I check with my liver...".  
          When he's done speaking, he disappears, but the cursor doesn't 
          come back!
SOLUTION: This is a minor glitch.  Just press your space bar to restore your
          cursor and continue with the game.

PROBLEM:  In the cottage, in the beach area, I can't use the shovel on the 
          "X".  
PROBLEM:  In the cottage, in the beach area, I used the shovel on the "X" 
          and dug a hole, but I can't go into the hole!
SOLUTION: This is a fatal bug.  Once this has happened, you will not be able
          to complete the game.  You must restore the game from a point 
          before you entered the beach area, or use WorkAround 2 below.
WORKAROUND 1:  
          Do *NOT* enter the beach area until you have both the Shovel and
          Mr. Blowhard.  Once you enter the beach area, do *NOT* save your
          game until you have retrieved the two items required from this
          area.  
WORKAROUND 2:
          Use the Event Manager to add the missing items to your inventory.
          (See Section IX)

PROBLEM:  When I go into the "Dental" area, the screen is black!
SOLUTION: This isn't a bug; it's part of the game.  Continuing requires
          using an item.

PROBLEM:  In the attic, I get to a screen with a ladder going up, and when
          I click on it, the screen goes black!
SOLUTION: This is a major bug, stemming from the fact that the next scene of
          the game resides on Disc One, and the pop-up window to tell you to
          switch discs is invisible.
WORKAROUND 1:
          Before clicking on the door, switch to Disc 1.  Once you have 
          switched discs and given the system enough time to recognise the new
          disc, click on the door.  You should then receive a "blue-screen"
          error message asking you to re-insert Disc 2.  Press ESC, and you
          will be returned to the door, and your cursor will have disappeared.
          Press the Space Bar to continue to the next scene.
WORKAROUND 2 (Thanks to BettyCat):
          Once you get the black screen, switch discs.  Press the ALT-TAB keys
          to bring up the Windows task switcher, and switch to another 
          application.  Or, press the "Windows" key to bring up the Start
          Menu.  Either method will being the cursor back to the screen.  Once
          the cursor is visible, click on a spot approximately 1/4 of the
          screen from the bottom and centered left/right to get to the next
          screen.  If you miss, switch applications again and try again.  
          You're trying to click on the "OK" for the "Insert Disc One" 
          notification box, but it's invisible.  You may wish to mark the spot 
          earlier to make it easier.
WORKAROUND 3:
          Cheat using the debug code.  See Section IX.

IV.   General Information
-------------------------

--Questions between screens
     What's with the questions between the screens?  Well, it really doesn't
matter what you answer as far as gameplay goes.  The answers do eventually
get used at the endgame, but it won't affect your playing of the game at all.
There are a set number of questions (I haven't counted them up yet), and 
when you're done answering them, an "Intermission" screen will be shown 
instead between scenes.

--Shortcuts
     Press space to skip non-interactive screens
     Press space to interrupt dialog or animations

V.    Video Clip Information
----------------------------

  As with the other games, this one is full of video clips.  The walkthrough
below explains exactly how to find all of the clips in the course of the game,
but you can also view them outside of the game.
  Video clips are stored in the clips directory on each disc.  They are 
Smacker video clips, and you can download the Smacker Video Tools to play
them at:
   http://www.radgametools.com/smack.htm
  The clips are listed below by disc in the order in which you'll find them 
while playing the game (using the walkthrough).

     12 clips on the second disc
       Clip 1 - "Movie Intro" - mix_ae.smk
       Clip 2 - "Every Sperm is Sacred" - mix_ag.smk
       Clip 3 - "Naked Women" - mix_aw.smk
       Clip 4 - "War Presents" - mix_ai.smk
       Clip 5 - "War Presents" - mix_aj.smk
       Clip 6 - "War Presents" - mix_ak.smk
       Clip 7 - "War Presents" - mix_al.smk
       Clip 8 - "Galaxy Song" - mix_ap.smk
       Clip 9 - "World's Fattest Man" - mix_ar.smk
       Clip 10 - "World's Fattest Man Explodes" - mix_as.smk
       Clip 11 - "Cleaning Woman" - mix_at.smk
       Clip 12 - "The Adventures of Martin Luther" - mix_ca.smk
       
     15 clips on the second disc
       Clip 1 - "Self-Defense" - mix_bm.smk
       Clip 2 - "Self-Defense" - mix_bn.smk
       Clip 3 - "Crimson Permanent Intro" - mix_aa.smk
       Clip 4 - "Crimson Permanent Revolt" - mix_ab.smk
       Clip 5 - "Crimson Attacks the VBCA" - mix_ac.smk
       Clip 6 - "Funniest Joke" - mix_bf.smk
       Clip 7 - "Funniest Joke" - mix_bg.smk
       Clip 8 - "Funniest Joke" - mix_bh.smk
       Clip 9 - "The Bishop" - mix_bj.smk
       Clip 10 - "The Bishop" - mix_bi.smk
       Clip 11 - "The Bishop" - mix_bk.smk
       Clip 12 - "The Bishop" - mix_bl.smk
       Clip 13 - "Board Meeting" - mix_aq.smk
       Clip 14 - "Christmas in Heaven" - mix_ay.smk
       Clip 15 - "Death of Arthur Jarrett" - mix_av.smk

VI.   Act I: The Stages of Life
-------------------------------

A.  Act I Common Sticking Points
--------------------------------

In Act I, the first six stages may be played in any order, but the last
(Death) cannot be completed until the first six are finished.

*** Live Organ Transplants ***

-- How do I get past the operation section? --

Everybody seems to have problems on this one.  I found that the following 
method to work for me every time:
  Use the chainsaw.
  To begin, position the saw right over the dash and press AND HOLD the 
mouse button.
  With the button held down, trace the pattern as it appears as quickly as you
can.  If you stray, move back to the path quickly.  You only kill the patient
when you stray from the correct path for more than about 2 seconds.

  From an anonymous source:
"This game gets easier the more times you screw up.  So if someone is having 
a real hard time with it they should just keep slaughtering the patient.  
Also using space to abort through the "you screwed up" linears would speed 
things up."

Of course, you could always cheat (see Section IX)...

*** The Autumn Years ***

-- What's with the dishes? --

The puzzle here is just a balancing puzzle.  You must keep as even as possible
a weight on either side of the center dish.  It's not as easy as that, though,
as the dishes are weighted.  You can tell the weight of each dish by the
symbol on it:
      Triangle - 1
      Square - 2
      Circle - 3
      Rectangle - 4
You can only have the dishes off-balance by 2 in either direction.  This means
that in order to remove a Circle dish, the dishes must be at least slightly 
tilting in the same direction, and for a Rectangle the dishes must be tilted
even further in the same direction.  Keep a running tally of how the dishes
are weighted  (-2 -1 0 1 2), and you should be just fine.

Of course, you could always cheat (see Section IX)...
  
*** Death ***

-- How do you get into the house? --

Well, you've got to get Death to go there.  To do that, just click on all of 
the statues, the mausoleum, the tree (twice), the sky to the upper left of the 
barn (twice), and then click Death three times.  If he's not moving on the 
third click, make sure you've clicked everything again.

-- How do you solve the cabinet puzzle? --

Well, if you don't have all six items (meaning you've solved the other six
sections of Act I), nothing.  All six items are required to continue.  If you 
do have all six, just put each item in the bowl.  No mixers, just straight in 
the bowl.  That's it!  You've won the game!  

Just kidding.  You've just started.

B.  Act I Walkthrough
---------------------

Optional sections of the walkthrough are denoted with a "}" - these bits
are not required to finish the game, but they do let you see all of the 
video clips, as well as a few extra bits.  

*** Introduction ***

Clip 1 - "Movie Intro"

Disclaimer (UD)
  Scroll down to bottom
  Select any of the first four answers (answer 5 exits the game)

*** Birth ***

Wheel of Life
  Click Birth (if not already selected)
  Click pull-chain

Delivery Room (LR)
  Click nurse (brings in equipment)
  Click patient's arm (she's hiding behind the first large white   
machine to your right)
  Click patient's arm
  Click nurse
  Click all machines to turn them on (11 total), administrator appears
  Click patient
  Click patient 
  Click patient (baby is born)
  Get penny
  Click patient (another baby)
  Exit broken window

Third World (LR)
} Exit door on right
  
House of 1,000 Children (LR)
} Click Man
} Click Man - Song Begins - Clip 2 - "Every Sperm is Sacred"
} Click door (to the right and above man)
} Exit door 

Third World (LR)
  Use penny on Harry's sign
  Get condom
  Click on man in window (on left of street)
  Exit window

Protestant House
  Use condom on woman
  Get cream

** Growth & Learning **

Wheel of Life
  Click Growth & Learning (if not already selected)
  Click pull-chain

Chapel (LR)
} Click picture on left (above men in red)

Picture
} Click on picture - Clip 3 - "Naked Women"
} Exit back

Chapel (LR)
  Exit doorway on left

Classroom (LR)
  Click door (teacher arrives)
  Click teacher
  Click student (the one raising his hand)
  Click teacher
  Click student (with Get cursor, Eric Idle)
  Click girl in window
  Exit "You Don't Know" on blackboard

You Don't Know John
  Answer six questions, then play Final John (How many correct are 
required to win?)
  Get bottle of linseed oil

Classroom (LR)
  Use bottle on student (Eric Idle)
  Get empty bottle
  Exit door

Chapel (LR)
  Exit fountain

Fountain
  Use bottle on fountain
  Get bottle

*** Fighting Each Other ***

Wheel of Life
  Click Fighting Each Other (if not already selected)
  Click pull-chain

Modern Battlefield (LR)
  Click on tents
  Exit sign

Zulu Battlefield (LR)
  Exit tent

Tent
  Click John Cleese
  Click John Cleese
  Click Doctor (Graham Chapman)
  Click Patient's Head (Eric Idle)
  Click Doctor (Graham Chapman)
  Click Patient's Head (Eric Idle)
  Click Doctor (Graham Chapman)
  Click Patient's Head (Eric Idle)
  Click Doctor (Graham Chapman)
  Click Patient's Head (Eric Idle)
  Click John Cleese
  Exit Back

Zulu Battlefield (LR)
  Exit Jungle

Jungle (LR)
  Click John Cleese
  Click Tiger Head
  Click Tiger Tail
  Click Tiger Head
  Click Tiger Tail
  Click Tiger Head
  Click Tiger Tail
  Click Tiger Head
  Click Tiger Tail
  Click Tiger Tail
  Click Tiger Tail
  Click Tiger Tail (Scene moves)
  Click John Cleese
  Click bushes above sign
  Get Hand of God
  Exit Sign

Zulu Battlefield (LR)
  Exit Modern Battlefield

Modern Battlefield (LR)
  Exit Mound

Mound
} Click on screen - Clip 4 - "War Presents"
} Click on screen - Clip 5 - "War Presents"
} Click on screen - Clip 6 - "War Presents"
} Click on screen - Clip 7 - "War Presents"
  Use Hand of God on soldier
  Get leg
  Exit Back

Modern Battlefield (LR)
  Click on tents
  Exit sign

Zulu Battlefield (LR)
  Exit tent

Tent
  Use leg on stump
  Get Canned Salmon

*** Middle Age ***
  
Wheel of Life
  Click Middle Age (if not already selected)
  Click pull-chain

Middle Age
  Restaurant (LR)
  Click Man
  Click "Start"
  Pick topic: Click "Our Endangered Ocean Ecosystem"
  Conversation: repeat the first sentence Mrs. Henders said by clicking 
on it (5 times)
  Get Hay
  Use Hay on Cow
  Click Manure
  Conversation: rhyme the first sentence Mrs. Henders said by clicking 
on it (6 times)
  Click rat
  Click faucet
  Conversation: alliteration.  Pick the answer that has words that 
start with the same letter as Mrs. Henders' first sentence (5 times).
  Click dam
  Click dam
  Get dill

*** Live Organ Transplants ***

Wheel of Life
  Click Live Organ Transplants (if not already selected)
  Click pull-chain

Live Organ Music
  Scroll cursor over bottom of screen (announcer appears)
  Click announcer

Live Organ Transplants
  Click chainsaw, trace pattern on screen with mouse button held down
    Straight line
    Stairs
    Spiral
    Penguin
    Gumby
  Move fast... speed tends to count more than accuracy (i.e. if you're 
slow, the patient tends to die more often)
  You get three chances (blood splatters)
  If you goof, just try it again - it gets easier each time!
  When done with Gumby pattern, exit fridge

Kitchen (LR)
  Click Man
  Click Man
  Click Man
  Click Woman
  Click Man - Clip 8 - "Galaxy Song"
  Get liver
  Exit Live Organ Transplants

Live Organ Transplants
  Use liver on hole
  Get vacuum cleaner
  Exit Fridge

Kitchen (LR)
  Exit Fridge
  Use vacuum on items in fridge (8)
  Use vacuum on space (4)
  Get onion

*** Autumn Years **

Wheel of Life
  Click Autumn Years (if not already selected)
  Click pull-chain
  Clip 9 - "World's Fattest Man"

Restaurant (LR)
  Click Man
  Dish Puzzle
    Click on all of the dishes to get rid of them
    Only top dishes can be taken
    Don't topple the pile - tolerance is +-2
    Dishes are weighted
      Triangle - 1
      Square - 2
      Circle - 3
      Rectangle - 4
    Distance from center doesn't affect weight - only left or right
  Click bottom plate
  Click mint - Clip 10 - "World's Fattest Man Explodes"
  Get gelatin

Wheel of Life
} Click Autumn Years (if not already selected)
} Click pull-chain
} Clip 9 - "World's Fattest Man"

Restaurant (LR)
} Click Man
} Dish Puzzle
}   Yes, play it again...
} Click bottom plate
} Click mint - Clip 10 - "World's Fattest Man Explodes"
} Click "Accept" - Clip 11 - "Cleaning Woman"

*** Death ***

Wheel of Life
  Click Death (if not already selected)
  Click pull-chain

Death
  Landscape (LR)
  Click clouds (up and left of house)
  Click clouds
  Click tree
  Click tree
  Click tree
  Click leaves
  Click each statue (5) 
  Click mausoleum
  Click Death
  Click Death
  Click Death (moves to house)
  Click Door
  Exit House

House (LR)
  Exit Cabinet

Cabinet
  Put each item in bowl (not mixers)

House
  Shoot fish

VII.  Act II: The Goals of Life
-------------------------------

A.  Act II Common Sticking Points
---------------------------------

In Act II, the first two stages may be played in any order, but you will 
need to complete "Spiritual" before completing "Material.  The last 
(Dentistry) cannot be completed until the first two are finished.

*** Material World ***

-- What do I do with the VBCA? --

On the farm, you need to start a war by first clicking on the woman (she's 
hiding on the ground below the cow), and then clicking on the animals and 
various scenery until they quit talking and start preparing for war.  Once 
that happens, click on the tractor.  You'll then have a place for the VBCA.

-- I'm lost in the mine!  How do I get out? --

Try following the map below, or cheat (See Section IX) for other ways to get
out.

-- What do I give the guard? --

You can't solve the Material world without solving the Spiritual World, and 
vice versa.  Once you've found the guard, head to the Spiritual World.

*** Spiritual World ***

-- How do I find the Bishop? --

To discover the Bishop, click the floor of the building in New Age World. 
There are three areas in the Spiritual World where the Bishop appears once 
he's been discovered, and you can spot them beforehand by the theme music.  He
may go to the areas randomly - you may have to visit each area more than once
before you actually get the item you need.  The areas are:
  Religions of the World - Catholic Church - Back of church
  Buddha World - Water right around waiter's feet
  Hell - window of the wedding chapel
There are three video clips once you've found the first once, making four 
total.  After the last one, you'll get an item.

-- What's with the Buried Statues area? --

It's a meditation garden.  Meditate.  Walk away from the computer, get 
yourself a drink.  You have to wait several minutes and not take the first 
item offered to get what you really need.

-- How do I survive the "Doom" level? --

You'll need the Flak Jacket (give Ghandi what he wants most) and the Sword 
(which you'll find after you find the Bishop).  Just be fast, and shoot to
kill.  It may take you a few times to pass it, but don't be too discouraged!
I just move from left to right, shoot the first person I see until they 
explode, then immediately move on to the right to the next one.  It is 
possible, trust me!

-- No, really, I can't do it!  How do I get past the level? --

There isn't an easy way to do it, and the level doesn't get any easier no
matter how many times you get killed.  If you're completely stumped, you can
always cheat (See Section IX). 

-- What do I give the guru? --

If you haven't placated the guard in Material world yet, return there and 
try to change his feelings towards you.  Once puzzle solves the other.

*** Dental World ***

-- It's pitch black!  What's going on? --

You can't do anything here until you've completed the Material world.  Once
you are properly Enlightened, you should do the same to the Dental world.

A.  Act II Walkthrough
----------------------

*** Material ***

Wheel of Life
  Click Material (if not already selected)
  Click pull-chain

Level 1 (LR)
  Get headphones
  Exit ladder

Level 2 (LR)
  Exit ladder (up)

Level 3 (LR)
  Get Algon probe
  Exit ladder (down)

Level 2 (LR)
  Exit ladder (down)

Level 1 (LR)
  Exit painting

Ocean (LR)
  Use probe on rocks
  Click probe
  Get bra
  Click on ship
  Click down

Underwater (UD)
  Click first chest on right
  Get shares (1%)
} Click second chest on left
} Click men - Clip 1 - "Self-Defense"
} Click men - Clip 2 - "Self-Defense"
  Click fourth chest on right
  Get shares (10%)
  Get Victrola
  Exit up

Ocean (LR)
  Exit arch

Archway (LR)
  Exit Paradise

Paradise (LR)
  Use bra on man (staring at you in front of Sissy Sally's)
  Get chainsaw
  Click middle "EAT"
  Get raspberry
  Click "BOOKS BOOKS BOOKS"
  Get Salesman
  Exit arch

Archway (LR)
  Exit cross

Religions of the World (LR)
  Convert the Natives: Click on each building except the blue man's 
(19)
  Get Friar
  Convert the Churches: Get each church, put in machine, get Insurance   
Building (20)
  Exit Nature Preserve

Nature Preserve (LR)
  Click on foliage (5 times)
  Use chainsaw on foliage, cut away as much as possible until it dies
  Click phone
  Click phone
  Use Victrola on ruins
  Get horse. almost!
  Use Friar on seal
  Use Friar on seal
  Use Friar on seal
  Use raspberry on man
  Get Pantomime Horse
  Development Time: Use insurance buildings on ground (20) - anywhere 
there's a highlighted spot (VBCA then appears)
  Click on VBCA
  Get Hatchet Man
  Exit Ocean

Ocean (LR)
} Click on Crimson Permanent - Clip 3 - "Crimson Permanent Intro"
  Use hatchet man on Crimson Permanent - Clip 4 - "Crimson Permanent 
Revolt"
  Exit Trophy

Level 1 (LR)
  Use Pantomime Horse on empty trophy
  Click Horse
  Use Salesman on safe
  Click safe
  Get shares (40%)

Nature Preserve (LR)
  Use shares on Crimson Permanent - Clip 5 - "Crimson Attacks the VBCA"
  Get VBCA
  Exit Ocean

Ocean (LR)
  Exit Barn

Farm (LR)
  Click ground at bottom of screen underneath cow
  Click on dog, haystack, cow, sheep, cat, squirrel, tractor, woman, 
barn, etc.  Eventually, they'll do something other than talk!
  Click tractor
  Use VBCA on concrete slab
  Click missiles
  Exit Mine

Mine 1 (UDLR)
  Get Whiskey
  Exit Entryway

Farm (LR)
  Exit Barn

Barn (LR)
  Click Map
  Use Whiskey on Unexploded Scotsman
  Get Unexploded Scotsman
} Click screen - Clip 6 - "Funniest Joke"
} Click screen - Clip 7 - "Funniest Joke"
} Click screen - Clip 8 - "Funniest Joke"
  Exit Back

Farm (LR)
  Exit Mine

Mine 1 (UDLR)
  Get Mine Cart
  Use Scotsman on wall (near drawing)
  Exit Hole in wall
  
Mine
              b                                N U
             11A-PAL                           |/
             |                              W--*--E
             10A    17A                       /|
             |    /  |   b    /     j  b     D S             
             9A  1E 16A-18A-19A    6B-5B                   
       j/    |   /   |      /         |      /         /     j
       8A-7A-6A     15A               4B    4D-3D-2D-1D      1F-2F-3F-4F
       /     |       |                | /                    /        /
             5A     14A               3B                      j
             |   b   |                |                      3C-2C-1C
       4A-3A-2A-12A-13A               2B                           /
       /     |                        | /                          
             1A                       1B                         
             |                         
            Farm

          Middle Level                 Lower Level        Upper Level
         4A down to 1B                 3B up to 8A        1F down to 1E
         8A down to 3B                 1B up to 4A        4F down to 19A
         8A up to 1C                   4D up to 1E        1C down to 8A
         19A up to 4F                  1D up to 19A
         19A down to 1D
         1E down to 4D
         1E up to 1F

Beasts (marked with a b)          Jokes (marked with a j)
Chinese: 5B                       Chinese: 8A
Arabic: 11A                       Arabic: 1F
German: 12A                       German: 6B
French: 18A                       French: 3C

Use the unexploded Scotsman to blow holes in walls to find your way through.
When you encounter a monster, use the corresponding joke on the monster to
clear the way.

Hints on Finding your way:
There are two ways to find your way through the caves:
1)  Take special note of the walls, and keep the directions in mind.
    North - A flat wall, nothing of note.
    East - A sunken wall, here you can move the cursor up.
    South - Wall with a raised area in the middle.  Rocks blown up 
            here usually contain a set of initials.
    West - A sunken wall, here you can move the cursor down.
2)  Cheat (see section IX)

Additionally, there are 11 Treasures randomly scattered throughout the mine:
Tea Tray, Stamp, Jewels, Uranium, Ark of the Covenant, Fur Coat,
Caviar, Sunflowers, Car, Gold Ingots, and a Pearl.  But, Denis Moore will just 
come and take them all anyway when you try to leave, so it's best to
just ignore the Mine Cart and all of the treasures, and use the treasures
as guideposts (with the above map) to find where you are.  They're random, 
so mark where you see the treasures on the map.

Palace Grounds (LR)
  You made it!  But there's nothing more to do here right now...
  Exit Wheel of Life

*** Spiritual ***

Wheel of Life
  Click Spiritual (if not already selected)
  Click pull-chain

Archway (LR)
  Get Buddha Head
  Exit Hell

Hell (LR)
  Exit World Class Topless Fortunes
 
World Class Topless Fortunes
  Click Mona Lisa
  Click Mona Lisa
  Get Book of Horoscopes
  Exit Back

Hell (LR)
  Use Horoscopes on Woman
  Get Giant Frog
  Exit Middle "EAT"

Almighty Big Burger
} Click "Ma'Hot'ma Coffee"
} Get Coffee
  Click "Hopi Meal"
  Get Lunch
  Exit Back

Hell (LR)
  Exit Arch

Archway (LR)
  Exit Cross

Religions of the World (LR)
  Converting the Natives, Part II: Click on each building to convert 
the natives (18 times)
  Exit Mosque

Mosque
  Get Buddha Head
  Exit Back

Religions of the World (LR)
  Exit Protestant Church

Happy Church
  Exit Pedestal
  
Pedestal 
  Click Bible
  Click Page (12 times)
  Note the recipe for Paul's Party Punch
  Exit Back

Happy Church
  Exit Back

Religions of the World (LR)
  Exit Catholic Church
  
Catholic Church
  Click left pillars
  Click Spanish Inquisition
  Use lunch on woman
  Get Comfy Chair
  Exit Back

Religions of the World (LR)
  Exit Beer

Bar (LR)
  Get Buddha Head
  Give "Paul's Party Punch" to Marx (Tequila, Gin, Vodka, Sherry, Milk)
  Get Sledgehammer of Humility
  Exit Sphinx Head

Egypt (LR)
  Click "Renew Membership"
  Exit Building (first doorway to right of building with four pillars)

Building
  Get Buddha head
  Click Fridge
  Exit Panel

Secret Panel 
  Click Triangle
  Exit Back

Building
  Exit Back

Egypt (LR)
  Exit New Exit (two doorways to your right)

Tomb Entrance
  Click on head over doorway
  Get handkerchief
  Exit Back

Egypt (LR)
  Exit Gumby Head

New Age Land (LR)
  Click on various drawings (6 times, until the professor is taken 
away)
  Rotating puzzle
    Rotate the columns to free the staff
    Top: Rotates top twice, middle once
    Middle: Rotates middle twice, bottom once
    Bottom: Rotates bottom twice, top once
    Very Bottom: Resets Puzzle
  Get Cattle Prod of Courage
  Use Handkerchief on uncovered head
  Click statues for clues about combination
  Use Giant Frog on Lily Pad
  Exit Building

Building (LR, UD)
  Get Buddha Head
  Click on yellow archway gate
  Exit Gate

New Age Land (LR)
  Exit Sphinx
 
Egypt (LR)
  Exit New Exit

Tomb Entrance
  Exit Doorway

Tomb
  Exit Coffin

Coffin Puzzle
  The proper combination:
    Hedgehog, Larch, Mrs. Trepidatious, Spam, Occarina

Tomb
  Use Comfy Chair on Mummy
  Get Steak Dinner
  Exit Back

Tomb Entrance
  Exit Back

Egypt (LR)
  Exit Beer

Bar (LR)
  Use Steak Dinner on Ghandi
  Get Kevlar Vest of Faith
  Exit Temple

Bruce World (LR)
  Buddha puzzle
    Put all five Buddha heads on the headless statues, and a button 
will appear
    Press the button to hear the limerick. most likely, it will be out 
of order
    Arrange the heads to have the limerick read correctly, then press 
the button
    The limerick:
      There once was a Sheila from Sydney,
      Who was missing ten teeth and a kidney,
      But her Bruce found her dear,
      `Cause she brewed her own beer,
      He made out fair dinkum now didn't he?
  Get Helping Hands of Self-Denial
  Exit Pathway

Buried Statues
  Just wait. Don't move the mouse, just wait.  In about two minutes, 
you will be rewarded!
} Get Moist Towelette
  Wait again.  The Towelette will be offered again, but don't move, 
just keep waiting.  Trust me!
  Get Rubber Hose of Purity
  Exit Back

Bruce World (LR)
  Exit Cross

Religions of the World (LR)
  Exit Arch

Archway (LR)
  Exit Gumby

New Age Land (LR)
  Exit Building

Building (LR, UD)
  Click Floor below green archway facing you
  Click desk - Clip 9 - "The Bishop"
  Click on yellow archway gate
  Exit Gate

New Age Land (LR)
  Exit Arch

Archway (LR)
  Exit Hell

Hell (LR)
  Click window of Wedding Chapel
  Click window of Wedding Chapel - Clip 10 - "The Bishop"
  Exit Arch

Archway (LR)
  Exit Cross

Religions of the World (LR)
  Exit Catholic Church

Catholic Church
  Click organ
  Click Vicar - Clip 11 - "The Bishop"
  Exit back

Religions of the World (LR)
  Exit temple

Bruce World (LR)
  Click water near waiter's feet
  Click vicar - Clip 12 - "The Bishop"
  Get mitre
  Use mitre on hatless Buddha
  Get Moses
  Exit Cross

Religions of the World (LR)
  Exit Temple

Temple
  Use Moses on Temple
  Exit pedestal

Pedestal
  Click right edge of scroll (14 times)
  Click sword
  Get sword
  Exit back

Temple 
  Exit back

Religions of the World (LR)
  Exit arch

Archway (LR)
  Exit Gumby

New Age World (LR)
  Exit Building

Building (LR, UD)
  Exit mouth (look up above the yellow archway)

Doom (LR, UD)
  Use sword on attackers in doorways - this can take anywhere from 1 to 
5 shots
  Exit doorway (when done)

Path of Enlightenment (LR)
  Click rocks
  Use cattle prod on man
  Use hands on man
  Use sledgehammer on man
  Use hose on man

Mountain of Enlightenment (UD)
  Click church
  Get sheep (a.k.a. Angel of Love)
  Click church
  Click guru
  Click guru
  Click guru
  Exit Wheel of Life

*** Material (again) ***

Wheel of Life
  Click Material (if not already selected)
  Click pull-chain

Material
  Archway (LR)
  Exit Picture

Ocean (LR)
  Exit Barn

Farm (LR)
  Exit Mine
  
Mine
  Make your way to the Palace Grounds

Palace Grounds (LR)
  Exit Palace

Palace
  Click Bed
  Exit Bed

Bed
  Use Angel of Love on guard
  Click safe
  Get Ultimate Wealth - Clip 13 - "Board Meeting"

Wheel of Life
  Click Spiritual (if not already selected)
  Click pull-chain

*** Spiritual (again) ***

Archway (LR)
  Exit Gumby

New Age World (LR)
  Exit Building

Building (LR, UD)
  Exit mouth (look up above the yellow archway)

Doom (LR, UD)
  Exit doorway

Path of Enlightenment (LR)
  Click above church

Mountain of Enlightenment (UD)
  Use Ultimate Wealth on guru
  Get Enlightenment - Clip 14 - "Christmas in Heaven"

Wheel of Life
  Click Dental (if not already selected)
  Click pull-chain

*** Dental ***

Dentist's Office
  Use Enlightenment on darkness
  Click Mirror

VIII. Act III: The Cottage of Life
----------------------------------

A. Act III Common Sticking Points
---------------------------------

-- What's the password? --

Ths password can be found by carefully noting the names of the two computers,
listening to the story given by the mask, and watching a video...

-- How do I make the salmon mousse? --

Follow the recipe!  It's pretty easy, well, once you realize what the six
machines are!
  1 - Heater
  2 - Chopper (use twice for FINELY chopped items)
  3 - Whipper
  4 - Can Opener (AHA!)
  5 - Chiller
  6 - Mixer

-- How do I play the organ? --

The Concerto and the Poem need to be placed on the organ (they're both in the
computer room), and the key guide is on the bookshelf.  

-- The mouse hates all the cheese!  What can I do? --

Pesky little bugger, isn't he?  He won't run the wheel, no matter what you
do.  You need some thing different.  Try recording and then playing the 
correct tune on the organ first, and then check the window to the left of
the screen.

-- I can't use the shovel on the "X"!  What gives? --

See section III.

-- What's with the sliding puzzle? It doesn't do anything! --

That's because it's not a sliding puzzle.  It just looks like one.  Hints for
what to do with it can be found in a book on the desk behind you, and on the
Shaka computer.

-- What's wrong with the parrot? --

He's insane.  He mixes up the notes you play to him on the Rose and Weight 
scales.  One of them he transposes, and the other he mirrors.  Just record
the keys so he'll error in your favor.  

-- How do I get rid of Big Labour? --

Once you teach the parrot to speak correctly, you'll need to place him on the 
perch in the back room.  Click on him to have him speak, and if you got it 
right, you'll hear a chord.  If you exit, you'll hear a higher chords (the 
same one you hear when you see Big Labour).  Enter, the low chords.  Exit, the 
higher chords. You've got to shut the parrot up so he won't speak a second 
time.

-- How can I shut the parrot up? --

Beat him to death.  Fun, isn't it?  Just be sure to do it after he speaks an
odd number of times.

-- Where's the cheese? --

There are eight pieces of cheese in total, seven of them in random locations.  
The Gouda is always found indide of Timmy the Computer, and the possible 
locations for the remaining pieces are as follows:

  Computer Area, on rug beneath Shaka
  Computer Area, on floor beneath Statue
  Computer Area, on top of Shaka's scanner.
  Computer Area, above the entry door (left of the elephant picture)
  Middle of Cottage, on the rug in the Computer Area
  Middle of Cottage, on the couch   
  Middle of Cottage, on the dresser to the left of the doors
  TV Area, beneath the three masks
  TV Area, in the urinal doll
  TV Area, next to the Crimson Permanent
  Bookshelf Area, Beneath the urinal doll
  Bookshelf Area, Above the white mask
  Bookshelf Area, on the shelf
  Bookshelf Area, On the radiator
  Bookshelf Area, On the pile of CD's (below and to the left of the mouth)
  
If you've found cheese in a different location, let me know!

-- The hand in the sofa keeps disappearing! --

Just click on it again.  Everything you stacked on it will return.

-- The screen just went blank! --

See section III.

Other guides for Monty Python’s the Meaning of Life