At the very top of your seemingly benign keyboard
is a row of function keys. On a standard PC, they number F1 to F12. Key F13 doesn’t
exist. Even on a Mac, the F13 is an unassuming little key that simply captures
a displayed screen. What if an F13 with some real potency appeared? Something
menacing, a merger of technology and terror brought straight to your desktop.
Would you dare strike such a key? A provocative yet unanswered question for horror
fans and computer users. Unanswered until now …

Never
in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine I would review an interactive desktop
utility for Just Adventure. But when you are editor of the largest adventure site
on the Internet and when Stephen King, the most prolific and best-selling author
of our time, lends his name to the utility … well, let’s just say that knowing
what voracious readers adventure gamers are, I feared being skinned alive if I
failed to inform them of the Master of Horror’s latest creation.

Stephen
King’s F13 was developed by the adventure game whizzes at Presto Studios
(Journeyman Project Trilogy, Star Trek: Hidden Evil). While F13 is
a quality product on its own accord, it is frightening to think that if only a
third of the consumers who regularly devour King’s every new release were to purchase
this utility on name recognition alone, it would instantly be the best-selling
computer product of all time! (Note to the adventure-challenged editors of Gamespot,
F13 is not a game as you so absurdly posted on your “What Game are
You Most Looking Forward To?” poll last week.) Yet, in a field where screen
savers and wallpaper can be had for a free download, the product had better offer
something special before the consumer will plunk down his/her hard-earned currency.
What better to entice the leery purchaser than an unpublished 84-page Stephen
King novella?

“Everything’s
Eventual” is the typical King teenage angst narrative, but with a twist.
It is only available on F13, and the reading is enhanced by illustrations
and eerie audio files and music. Imagine for a moment how cool it must be to devour
a King horror novella on your monitor in a darkened room with accompanying sound
effects and music. This alone is worth the price of admission. But much more awaits
the discerning King addict.

Mini-games, computer wallpaper, audio files
and screamsavers–er, screensavers–round out the package. The mini-games consist
of the usual mindless but addictive time-killers. “No Swimming” is a
fish tank full of ravenous piranha that must be fed your choice of livestock.
Initially funny, it grows old fast. “Whack-A-Zombie” is a fast-paced
variation of Whack-A-Mole with the moles replaced with zombies and skeletons.
Best of all is “Bug Splat,” the most disgusting and disgustingly fun
mini-game I have ever played. As cockroaches hatch on your monitor, you must swat
them with a rolled-up newspaper, hammer, or swatter. Without going into detail
concerning the gruesome graphics and lurid sound effects, let me warn you in advance
that if you play this one at work, expect to be accosted by squeamish fellow employees.

The
wallpaper subjects are more or less what you would expect with a horror utility
program: hearses, eyeballs, gargoyles, and the usual generic creepy themes. I
was mildly disappointed that these were not more Stephen King-related. It would
have been great to have a wallpaper of the rabid Cujo or the prom scene from Carrie
(did I hear the word sequel?). The audio is also the usual compilation of
screams, groans, and assorted repugnant sounds that horror fans thrive on.

The
coup-de-grace, though, is the screensavers. A few are so lengthy that you would
think you were viewing a mini-series on your monitor. “Murder and Mayhem”
is one of the better screensavers ever made. It actually has a storyline that
can be followed, and the ending is chilling. Others that will make the hairs on
your neck stand up are “Creature Under My Bed” (don’t let your children
see this one!) and “It’s Just Lightning” (it will be a long time before
you enter a dark basement!). For the Stephen King buff, “The Works”
is a compilation of all of King’s published titles, and “Frightware Trivia”
a constantly changing challenge of Stephen King lore. The excellent screensavers
and novella easily raise F13 above any other utility program on the market
today.

For
anyone who is a fan of Stephen King or just a horror aficionado, F13 is
worth a purchase. It would be great to see this original concept taken a step
further and have available a Clive Barker (a Hellraiser/Pinhead screensaver!)
or Dean Koontz series of utilities. My only legitimate beef is the few proofreading
errors I found in “Everything’s Eventual.” They do cast a blemish on
an otherwise polished product. Maybe we can blame these oversights on the F13
key.

Final grade for Stephen King’s F13: B+.

Stephen
King fans might also enjoy these games:
John
Saul’s Blackstone Chronicles
Dracula
Resurrection
Dracula:
The Last Sanctuary

System Requirements:

PC:
P166
MMX
Win 95/98 with 32 MB RAM
Full install: 320 MB hard drive space

CD ROM speed 4x or better

Macintosh:
System
7.5 or better
Power PC
80 MHz
50 MB free hard drive space
32 MB RAM
Thousands
of colors
4X CD ROM or better