Interviews
10 QUESTIONS FOR
LEISURE SUIT LARRY & LARRY LOVAGE
Interview Conducted by
Randy Sluganski
WARNING: Interview contains adult material.
After my last interview
with the saucy Jack
the Ripper a change of pace was certainly welcome and who better to get
things zinging again than the most famous lounge lizard
in the world – Larry
Laffer, aka Leisure Suit Larry.
Larry has been in semi-retirement
since 1996’s Love
for Sail but it appears
that his dinghy has been repaired and his equipment is full-mast
again as he and his nephew Larry Lovage prepare to storm
the world of console gaming this fall in Leisure
Suit Larry: Magna
Cum Laude.
Both Larry’s were kind enough to divert their attention away
from the bodacious booth babes at the E3 to sit down and
answer some questions for our Just Adventure audience. While we’re
not sure of Larry Lovage’s college major, it appears he has
been studying magic for we noticed that every time a booth
babe passed
by, the table he was sitting at would mysteriously levitate.
WARNING: Interview
contains adult material.
For Larry Laffer:
How do you feel about your nephew carrying on your (dubious) legacy?
I love it! He’s a real chip off the old block. I’ve
taught him everything I know. I just hope all the advice I’ve
given him over the years hasn’t fallen on deaf ears.
Have your days
as a ‘wild & crazy’ ladies
man come to a premature end?
My days are
fine; it’s
my nights that usually come to a premature end.
What is your opinion on the tattoos so many young women sport nowadays?
Butterfly on her
lower back- sexy. The words “peter eater” across
her stomach with an arrow pointing south- not sexy.
What is your ultimate sexual fantasy?
I’ve always
had a thing for Big Bad Mama Jama.
How has Viagra changed your life?
Viagra’s a bit pricey, and I’m on a budget. Fortunately,
you can pick up a tube of Mustang Stay-Hard cream at almost any adult
store for only $3.99 and get the same effect if you don’t
mind a little itching and burning.
For Larry Lovage:
What advice has your uncle provided to help you cope with college
life?
Not much really.
He’s had a few ex-wives I think. He talks
a lot about being abducted by aliens. My mom gets a little weirded
out when he’s over, doesn’t like him telling stories
much.
Who is your dream woman?
I’m looking for a nice girl, someone who’s down to earth.
Someone I can be myself with and just talk for hours and hours on
end. I’m a homebody so it would have to be somebody who’s
fine with just staying in and seeing what’s in the kitchen,
but I like to hit the clubs too, so she’d have to be able to
keep up. And she doesn’t have to look like a supermodel either-
any plumper will do, as long as she doesn’t have areola that
look like giant pancakes- that freaks me out.
In these days of HIV and STDs, what is your stance on protection?
ALWAYS have
a condom on you, that way you’re ready to rip
n’ roll come showtime. I recommend Embry-No’s. They
can last for up to twelve months in your wallet before drying
out.
Which of your ‘attributes’ will
be most glorious in 3D?
My enthusiasm for fine Byzantine tapestry.
Who do you think will be the first to ever ‘score’ – you
or your uncle?
My Uncle took
me to Atlantic City for my twenty-first birthday. Let’s uh… let’s
just say it was a tie.
If you enjoyed this interview
with Larry Laffer and his nephew, then please be sure to read our
other ‘celebrity’ interviews
with Nico from Broken Sword, Syberia’s Kate
Walker, & Nancy
Drew.
