A long time ago, in a galaxy
far, far away, there once was a young girl, namely me, who played
a small, simple game called Zork. She would type away for hours
at her DOS prompt, trying to find the right combination of wording
to open the door to the White House.

>Use key to unlock door

I do not understand “unlock.”

Things would go on this
way for a while. Once I was successful, I would tread into a dark
tunnel and get eaten by a Grue.

You inadvertently stumbled
into the nest of a hungry Grue. You are viciously torn apart. Your
score is 14/1200, ranking you as a hopelessly bad adventurer. Thank
you for playing, please try your call again later.

It hurt to keep getting
torn apart! Ah but little did I know . . . .

It’s all in the technology.

Zork:
Grand Inquisitor is Activision’s third offering to the modern
graphic adventure take on the classic Zork series. Their first game
(which is actually labeled for Infocom, but they were part of Activision
by the release) Return to Zork kept the humor of the original
text games, but added the fun of visuals and sound, moving Zork into
the world of point-and-click fare. Zork: Nemesis, the second
game, is an intensely dark tale with some of the Zorkian quirkiness.
But fans, like me, scratched their heads at why this game was so serious.
It’s a great game, but very out of character for the series. Then
came ZGI. And all was right with the world.

“Remember who is
the boss of you. I am the boss of you! I am the boss of you!”

You are once again thrown
into the role of the ageless, faceless, gender neutral, culturally
ambiguous adventure person, or AFGNCAAP as Dalboz refers to you. It
is the time of the great magic Inquisition where any kind of magic
is illegal. All magic creatures have gone into the underground. All
those caught or found to be associating with magic are taken to the
old monastery (now Inquisition headquarters) and “totemized;”
basically, flattened into a small disc about the size and thickness
of a hockey puck. You, as the AFGNCAAP, must join forces with the
Dungeon Master Dalboz who was imprisoned in a lantern by the Grand
Inquisitor. Together, you must make it to the Underground and find
the three legendary objects that will restore all magic to the realm
and destroy the Grand Inquisitor. To do this, you will need to wield
your dwarven sword, your spell book, and your trusty vacuum. This
is a Zork game after all.

Dungeons and Dragons

While
not as creative as the plot from Zork: Nemesis, ZGI
is a great fantasy tale set in a more modern-day world than its predecessor.
The idea of totemization is very original, and downright frightening!
I get sick enough sitting in the back seat of my parents’ mini-van.
Could you imagine spending the rest of existence in a coaster? No
thank you! The humor of this game is wonderful. Once in a while, I
like sitting down with a game that will not only challenge me, but
also put a smile on my face. We need more laughter in our world people!
The characters are hilarious, ranging from the narcissistic Grand
Inquisitor to the funk-loving skeleton Charon who taxis you across
the river into Hades. One of my favorites is Dalboz’s security system
Harry, the smoking and drinking door that seems more at home with
Sammy Davis, Jr. and the Rat Pack than in the world of Zork. (Want
some rye? Course you do!) And then there’s Dalboz himself. While a
majority of gamers out there like silence in their characters, I for
one love having a wisecracking, smartass sidekick who speaks up at
any given time. (Given from the way I write my reviews and walkthroughs,
this should come as no surprise to all those JA+ readers out there.)
Arthur from Presto’s Journeyman series was the same way. Some
people wanted to shut him up; I liked having him around. So Dalboz,
Arthur, you guys are okay in my notebook.

Lookie here ma!

ZGI is a feast for
the eyes. The humor from the game’s plot creeps into the design of
everything, including the program loader. Make sure you take the time
and actually read the messages in each dialog instead of just clicking
yes over and over like you normally do when loading a new game. It’s
worth it, I promise you. Each area you will visit over the course
of the game is filled with visual humor, open jokes and inside jokes
alike. Read the posters in Port Foozle and check out the counter board
outside the Monastery. Activision’s attention to detail is amazing!
Although blocky at times, the graphics are extremely colorful and
vibrant. During panning mode you can view moving objects, such as
a floating fountain in the University and a ticked off snapdragon
in front of Dalboz’s house. No more jellified water and frozen fire
here kids! Your traveling companions Griff and Brog are rendered in
full 3D animation and look great. I love Brog’s leopard print loincloth
and tattoo in particular. During live motion video sequences, the
integration of the actors into the pre-rendered backgrounds is a little
choppy, but hardly takes away from the overall effect of the game.
The movies themselves are showing some age with the advancements in
technology since this game was released, but I can deal with it. They
still look really cool! By the by, the acting in this game is above
average . . . I would almost say excellent. Nothing at all like the
lackluster performances of Christopher Walken and Dennis Hopper in
a certain pair of games from Take 2 Interactive.

Hark! Is that George
Clinton and the P-Funk All-stars I hear?

If
it’s one thing that all three graphic Zork games have done well, it’s
sound and music. Return to Zork‘s game disc could also be played
in your CD player so you could get a taste of the instrumentals. Zork:
Nemesis integrated the Qsound system into its engine to promote
depth and perspective in the game. (Go read Erik Reckase’s review
of ZN and he’ll explain the details of Qsound.) ZGI
uses sound to again promote its element of humor. Right from the start,
we are treated to some audio humor with the nasal announcement of
“Curfew will start in one second. CURFEW!” As you trot all
over Port Foozle, the announcements will keep playing. Be sure to
listen to these closely for game clues and a few great jokes. Music
is well done, emphasizing the mood of a particular locale or person.
Traveling with Charon, I felt like I was watching Shaft or a bad porn
(not that I partake in those things, mind you). Ambient sound effects
are amazing, once again giving a great feeling of location and distance
from the source of the sound. Make sure you have the 3D audio on in
your options menu for the full effect.

All that other nonsense,
you know, those puzzle things.

The puzzles in ZGI
mostly consist of finding, combining, and using inventory items, whether
they come from your sack or spell book. Those spells, by the way,
will be familiar to anyone who’s a fan of the original text series.
REZROV anyone? In tradition with all adventures, you will glean
information from written sources and play with all kinds of machines.
There are a couple of games AFGNCAAP will have to outsmart, so make
sure you save your game. (Dalboz will clue you into this fact too!).
There will be times when you will play as your traveling companions.
Be sure to use their “talents” to your advantage in each
location. There are two puzzles in ZGI that stand out on my
best puzzle list. Do you really hate those automated telephone services?
Well, roll up your sleeves for this one kids! In Hades (would figure,
wouldn’t it?) you will have to outsmart the meanest, most confusing
automated telephone service in order to summon Charon. The other,
well, I won’t get into it too much, but let me say this: make sure
to check out the mirror in Dalboz’s bedroom. (Evil laugh.) Overall,
the puzzles weren’t obnoxiously difficult and made sense in most cases.
But most importantly of all. . . THEY WERE ENTERTAINING! Don’t stand
there with your mouth open; you might swallow a fly.

Patches! Oh Patches!

As
in all games, ZGI does have a few minor bugs and some “not
so well thought out” additions to the game’s engine. The latter
comes in the form of an online, multi-player option that can be loaded
if you have access to the Internet, LAN, or VPN. While a neat idea
at the time (oh cool! Online gaming!), the usefulness of this engine
now is nil. On several occasions, I have logged into Activision’s
servers to use the interface. Designed to have gamers assist other
gamers over the course of completing ZGI, these are now nothing
more than empty chat rooms. Go talk to Dalboz; he’s more entertaining.
In terms of bugs, head over to your local patch site to download the
version 1.2 patch for ZGI. This will correct a few game play
issues and add an additional 20 save game slots. Also, if you don’t
wish your game to crash when changing discs, shut off the auto-insert
notification in your systems settings. Back when I was a dolt, I went
back and forth with Activision over this issue, only to find out it
was the silly auto-play. Go me!

I need a red ribbon
so I can wrap this up!

Zork: Grand Inquisitor
is an extraordinarily entertaining game that can be replayed time
and time again. It’s like watching a Mel Brooks movie; you pick up
on something new each time. The end sequence is nicely done and sets
up the characters for a future Zork game, which sadly, doesn’t seem
to be in our future. I had read on a fan site that Activision had
planned ZGI as being the first in a series of three games that
would follow AFGNCAAP through modern Zork history, including the Magic
Wars. (There was even a rumor that Zork: Nemesis was going
to be made into a movie! Gasp!) The Zork series is proof that high
quality entertainment can be found in the world of adventure games,
that you don’t need to blow up things with a big nasty gun to get
a laugh. But (sigh) I suppose that we Zork enthusiasts will have to
wait until the fates align to bring us another installment of this
series. Until then, enjoy this one.

Grade: A (with two thumbs
up and four stars)

For more Zork fun, visit
the Frobozz Electric Website #50809
http://www.chrisco.mb.ca/zork/zork.htm

System Requirements
for PC CD-ROM:

Pentium 90 processor, 100%
IBM PC-Compatible
U.S. Version Microsoft Windows 95 operating system
16 MB of RAM
Quad-speed CD-ROM drive (600K/second sustained transfer rate)
50MB of uncompressed hard disk space
High-color (16-bit) 640×480 graphics with a VESA local bus (VLB) or
PCI video card with 1MB of RAM
100% Sound Blaster 16-compatible sound card (for digital audio)
100% Microsoft-compatible mouse and driver
28.8 modem for multiplayer option
100% Windows 95-compatible computer system (including current 32-bit
Windows 95 and DirectX compatible drivers for CD-ROM drive, video
card, sound card and input devices.)

Mac

Power Macintosh G3/233
MHz
64 MB of RAM
Mac OS 8.6 or later

PC DVD

Pentium 166 processor
Windows 95/98
32MB of RAM
125MB uncompressed hard disk space
2x DVD-ROM
SVGA Video Card with 1MB RAM