Articles

These Developers Would Have to Be Shot in the Ass to Have Their
Brains Blown
Out

The picture below is for every one of you who constantly bitch about
critics of the game industry like Jack Thompson or Hillary Clinton.
Maybe, just maybe, if you were instead to complain to the irresponsible
developers/publishers who market crap like this email advertisement
I received, then they might just tone it back a bit and silence the
critics, allowing the industry to grow and mature rather than continuously
defending itself from an unyielding bombardment of negative publicity.
But the most mind-boggling aspect of this advertisement is that once
you register at this site and then enter the game queue expecting
to join in on some violent, first-person shooter, the very first
game you play is – Sudoku! And this is how they are advertising it!!

Who is ‘The Vede’ and
Why Do I Love This Man So Much (In a non-Brokeback Way of Course)?

I realize I’m preaching to the choir when I complain about
the pc gaming magazines almost totally ignoring the adventure genre.
Of course, said employees at the magazines like to write me and inform
me as to what a silly fool I am (although ‘fool’ is not
the word they usually use).

What has happened all
too often in the past, is that my complaint about a review that,
rather than evaluating the game instead proceeds
to bash the entire genre, elicits a response that, “Well, if
you’re defending (insert name of game here), then no wonder
the genre is in trouble.” What they didn’t, no what they
refused to understand, is that it is not any specific game I am defending,
but the genre as a whole. So imagine my surprise, nay my unbridled
glee, to discover that PC Gamer seems to have undergone an adventure
game epiphany.

The past few months have
featured articles on independent developers such as The
Silver Lining team, the Sam n Max resurrection and numerous
reviews of adventure games that actually review the game and not
the entire genre. New adventure game reviewer Logan Decker – along
with Chuck Osborn – seem to actually appreciate the genre and their
recent adventure game reviews, both positive and negative, are as
fair and balanced as any that have ever appeared in PC Gamer.

The credit for this startling change can surely be attributed to
new Editor-in-Chief Greg Vederman – aka The Vede – whom I initially
incorrectly pegged as just another in a long line of action-loving,
adventure-hating editors. Thanks Vede, for proving me wrong.

Whew, this is hard work. Let’s take a break and watch some G4TV, the
24/7 television station for gamers. Hmmm….looks like the original Star
Trek series from the 1960’s is on right now. Illogical. We’ll try
again later

They Also Voted Sam n Max as the Best Sports Game

Adventure gamers are eagerly
awaiting Just Cause from Eidos. With over 250,000 acres to explore,
303 missions to accomplish, 89 vehicles
to command and 32 stunts to master to ignite a revolution, this is
one game that is a must have in the adventure community. What? You
didn’t hear? As Eidos is proudly proclaiming in its marketing
campaign, Team Xbox.com named Just
Cause as the ‘Best Adventure
of E3 2006’.

Take This Mod & Shove It

Here’s my take on first-person-shooter mods – if
you were to put 1,000 monkeys in a room, 999 of them would make
acceptable
mods, the remaining monkey would develop Doom, or Quake, or . .

To create a good fist-person-shooter
mod only requires a smidgen of imagination. The engine is already
supplied and there is very
rarely a requirement for plot, puzzles or characterization. You need
only be able to design a 3D maze that is peppered with ‘inventive’ weapons.
Yet, the mainstream gaming sites and magazines simply go ga-ga with
trembling adoration over the fact that someone cloistered in their
basement can design weapons that provide new and gorier means to
kill

Now consider the plight of the Independent Adventure Game Developer,
sure they sometimes have an engine to work with, but they must then
create a storyline and not just simply an extension of an already
existing game. Characters must be fleshed out, puzzles incorporated
into the story and yet their efforts are usually either totally ignored
or chided as amateurish. In other words; creativity bad, redundancy
good.

Can I Get an Amen Brother!

Scene from a local video
game store: as my son and I are browsing the new releases and the
used dvd section, an irate mother storms
into the store with her 12 or 13 year-old son in tow. She’s
waving a copy of 50 Cent Bulletproof in front of the clerk’s
face while simultaneously demanding a refund and screaming at the
clerk for selling her son such a violent game. The store has a no-refund
policy on opened games, but sheepishly acquiesces to her demand.
Considering that an EB manager recently told me that he has no problem
selling ‘M’ rated games to minors as he understands their
frustration in being too young to purchase adult games, I’m
thinking the ESRB needs to hire this woman as an enforcer.

Okay, I do
need to give my brain a rest after that last article, so let’s try G4TV again, the 24/7 television station for gamers.
Hmmm…looks like Star Trek is still showing, but this time its
Star Trek: The Next Generation. We’ll try again later.

I Wish I Could Quit You Randy

I understand that many
of you go to bed at night, restless, unable to sleep wondering
if the rumors of my dashingly good looks are true.
Well, wonder no more for MDNA
Games has, for reasons unbeknownst
to me, decided to put my mug in their new game Time Stand
Still.
If you can’t wait for the October release of the game, then
you can download the demo. If you are one of those who are in need
of a new dartboard target, then visit the museum and find the bulletin
board (or you can also pre-order your own copy of Time Stand
Still from the JA
Store) or, if you are the impatient type, then just look
below. And no, there is no validity to the rumors that there will
be refunds for temporary blindness or insanity caused by my image.

Time for some
R&R, let’s try G4TV again, the 24/7 television
station for gamers. Yo Joe, it must be retro week for now they’re
showing the horrible G.I. Joe cartoon series from the mid 80’s
and it hasn’t improved with age.

Extra, Extra, Read All About It

Has anyone else noticed
how many internet gaming sites now post press releases as ‘News Headlines’?

Are internet surfers so
undemanding that they are willing to accept a marketing generated
press release as news? And doesn’t posting
a press release as news also call into question the integrity of
the site? Even worse are sites that reword the press release so they
can post it as news. If your local newspaper had a front page headline,
for example, that Company X had developed a new automobile and then
the entire article was the company’s press release sans commentary
or rebuttal, wouldn’t you be suspicious? Yet somehow not only
is this acceptable in the internet community, but we here at JA have
even received letters of complaint from public relations firms when
we have refused to post their press releases as articles rather than
for what it is, a press release meant to present the company in the
best possible light.

So, let’s kick off our shoes and give G4TV, the 24/7 television station
for gamers another try. What’s on now – Cheaters? You have to be
kidding me. Probably 80% of G4TV’s viewers have never even had a date
and they’re showing Cheaters?!

It’s Not Uwe Boll, it’s the Material Dummy

Having recently slept
through the incomprehensible Silent Hill movie, I found it ironic
to read articles in both Now Playing (a magazine
spun-off from Computer Games Magazine) and PSM Magazine bemoaning
the lack of good video game-based movies. Some of the examples used
as bad movies made from good games were: Doom, Bloodrayne, Double
Dragon & House of the Dead.

Is it just me or are these people out of their friggin minds?!

Why would anyone expect
a movie based on these games to be anything other than a ‘B’ movie? It’s
not like even one of the characters in any of these games have
any depth or personality.
Nor do any of these games have a subplot and the overall themes seem
to be that its acceptable to just kill or beat up anything in sight.

Is today’s generation
of gamers so shallow that they honestly believe that one-dimensional
games like Doom and Halo are high art?
The characters in an Archie comic book have more depth than any of
these video game creations.

The problem is that for
years, gamers and especially the console gaming magazines have
been guilty of clamoring for better graphics
at the expense of story and now that they’ve gotten want they
wanted, they’re complaining because they have finally realized
that cutting-edge graphics don’t necessarily translate into
good or even average, movies. And yet, we still don’t have
anyone in the Hollywood community savvy enough to purchase the rights
to Gabriel Knight, or Tex Murphy, or Monkey
Island, or Syberia, or
. .

Last
chance for G4TV, the 24/7 television station for gamers. What’s
this? A Ronco infomercial. Set it and forget it. Maybe that’s good advice
as G4TV seems to be about everything but games. So, in the words of Tony Soprano,
fugedaboutit

Red Herrings

• Have you ever just sat around wondering, ‘When the heck is someone
  going to write a 500-page fictional novel loosely based on the rise and demise
  of Sierra?’ Well, if you have, then you’re a strange person with
  too much time on their hands, but someone who doesn’t have too much time
  on his hands is Leopold McGinnis and that’s only because he spent his every
  spare second writing such a novel – Game Quest. Our own Al Giovetti recently
  read Game Quest and shared his thoughts with our readers. But don’t take
  his word for it, purchase your own copy and support those who support the adventure
  community.

• Speaking of Sierra, did you think the day would ever come
  when we asked you to not support this company? Sierra recently released
  compilations of the classic adventures: Leisure Suit
  Larry, King’s
  Quest, Police Quest & Space
  Quest. Here’s the rub – the
  Sierra public relations department is clueless about these compilations.
  No one knows who the p.r. person is for these compilations, nor are
  phone calls returned or emails answered. One person I finally spoke
  with at Sierra did not even know that these compilations had been
  released! Why should we support a company that is so indifferent
  that they are obviously releasing these games only to squeeze an
  extra buck from their name recognition? Sierra has refused for years
  to sell character rights back to their original creators – which
  is why there will not be a new Gabriel Knight game by Jane Jensen
  or an Al Lowe version of Leisure Suit Larry. Maybe, if the compilations
  don’t sale, then the greed-mongers at Sierra will finally
  give up the ghost. Or better yet, purchase multiple copies
  of the compilations
  to convince the geniuses at Sierra to release a new Gabriel
  Knight game – as a first-person-shooter.

• Computer Gaming
  World recently announced that they would
  no longer feature game reviews in their magazine (they will be online
  only) as they were no longer timely by the time they reached print.
  Shame on them for admitting defeat to the internet. I would much
  rather read a well-written review a month after a game is released
  rather than some shoddily & hastily review slapped together
  by someone who just wants to have the first review on the internet.

• We currently have over
  120 adventure games for sale in the JA
  Online Store (I’ll
  wait here while you count them, go ahead, you know you want too).
  Now, I could sit here all day
  and
  yammer on about the benefits of ordering your games from JA,
  but instead, I think enormous variety of choices, quick delivery
  and
  low shipping and handling charges speaks for themselves.

  Buy Games at Just Adventure+!

• Something You
  Will Hate Me For – this, but this will make up for it.