Adventure gamers, for the most part, love to romanticize the history
of the genre. In their memories, every Sierra game was a classic,
every Lucas Arts game a masterpiece.

We know this is not true, but it is human nature to believe that
things were always better in the past.

Well, I’m here to tell you that Psycho is undoubtedly the
worst movie-to-game adaptation I’ve ever played. This is one
of those titles that gave movie-licensed games such a bad name for
years.

Released in 1988 by Box
Office – a company whose other games
included the less than classic Alf, The
California Raisins and Captain
Power and the Soldiers of the Future – Psycho is a keyboard
controlled, graphic adventure that uses a verb interface. That is,
to use an item you must press (U) on the keyboard, (S) for search,
(T) for take and so on. The developers, Starsoft Development Laboratories – are
best known for simulations like Pirates of the Barbary Coast, Stock
Market: The Game and Black Monday.

The CGA graphics – as
you can see from the accompanying screenshots – are
simply awful. Now I hear you saying, “Of course the graphics
are awful, it was 1988,” but be informed that the same year
also saw the release of Leisure Suit Larry Goes Looking for
Love,
King’s Quest IV and outside the adventure genre such classics
as Wasteland, Zelda II and John
Madden Football so its not as if
the technology was not available.

Amiga	IBM PC DOS

Some
of the graphics are blurry and indistinguishable, more so in the
pc version – such
as the ghost and dog that put your character
to sleep if touched. Others, like Norman Bates’ mother gliding
towards you, are simply laughable. The color graphics on the Atari
ST are probably the best of a bad lot (a lot of people don’t
realize that back in the 1980s, competition between pc systems was
much like the console wars of today so while some adventure games
might be developed exclusively for a single system, other games – like
Psycho – might be released for numerous systems like the Commodore
64, Atari ST, Amiga and IBM.

Now one would think that
a game based on Alfred Hitchcock’s
classic horror film couldn’t fail but be a blood-curdling,
scarefest, but the developers decided instead to do what could be
described as a Psycho prequel. From the back of the box:

Precious jewels and an
unwitting curator have been hoisted from the Metropolitan Showcase
of Art. Tracing the crime to the menacing Bates Motel, you are
the
only detective willing to take the case…

Travel to the Bates Motel
to unravel this strange mystery. Enter both the Motel and the forbidden
house on the hill to search for clues. Keep your
eyes alert
and your back to the wall as you encounter the psychotic Norman Bates and
his curiously silent mother. Prove yourself worthy of the title, Master
Detective, as you plot your escape with the stolen jewels, captive
curator… and your
skin intact!

A few points worth mentioning
here: 1) You never enter the Bates Motel and 2) uh, Norman Bates
isn’t in the game either, except dressed as his mother,
in which case his mother isn’t in the game, except as…ah, you
know what I mean and chances are you would never even play this game if
you didn’t
already know the surprise ending of the movie. Instead, the entire game
takes place in the Bates house. Even worst though, is that this game is
buggier than
Norman Bates. A key hid in the coal cellar can be found over and over,
the room where the curator is tied-up can’t always be exited thus
necessitating reverting to a previous save and a medicine bottle you need
isn’t always
where it should be. You are also only given four hours gametime to find
the stolen jewels and escape. The game begins at 2am and will automatically
end
if the clock advances to 6am. Playtime is artificially extended when you
are touched by one of the blobby dogs or ghosts or if you wander around
too long
trying to figure out what the heck you are supposed to do next. Entering
a room elicits such descriptive prose as “I found this is a large
kitchen”, “I
found this is a big living room” and “I found this is the same
big room.”

IBM PC DOS	Commodore

Even finding inventory
items isn’t a snap. You must first
(D)ig in a vase before you can (S)earch it for a key. You have to
(V)iew the imprisoned curator to discover he needs his medicine;
you can’t speak to him as he is tied-up and unconscious, but
looking at him somehow imparts his need for medication. And just
finding the vase with the key in it is an adventure in itself as
you must first go through the front door where you find yourself
in the foyer, but when you leave the foyer to go back outside, you
find yourself – instead of outside – inside the doorway
entrance next to the vase which you didn’t see on your way
into the house.

Atari ST	IBM PC DOS

For those who remember
when every adventure game – and again,
this is a trick of memory – took 50+ hours to complete, well, Psycho – once you know what actions to take – can be completed in
under ten minutes. And even if you are just playing the game for
the first time, it can easily be completed in under an hour. Imagine
spending $50 on a pc game that can be finished on your lunch break,
with absolutely no replay value. Ah, those were the days!

Ready?

Look in mailbox and read
letter. Go right up porch and open door. Dig in the vase to the
right and then search for and take the key. Open the middle door
of the foyer, to right and open the dumbwaiter. Ride the dumbwaiter up
and
take the gun and ammo. Take the dumbwaiter to the second floor, go through
the bathroom door to the right and take the caffeine pills from the medicine
cabinet (these can be used to keep you awake when you feel sleepy). Take
the dumbwaiter down to the gardener’s room, go left and search the
pile of coal for a key. Open the door to the left of the coal and view the
curator so you know he needs medicine. Return to the dumbwaiter and go up
to the second floor. Enter the master bedroom on the far left of the hall,
walk left and then down to the closet and search for the medicine. Take the
dumbwaiter back to the basement and use the medicine on the curator to receive
a combination. Go back to dumbwaiter and return to second floor bathroom.
Shoot Norman Bates’ knife-wielding mother with the gun (if she isn’t
there, keep returning). Climb stairs to third floor, enter door on left,
cross the room and open the door to the attic. Shoot Norman Bates’ mother
again (you must have already wounded her in the bathroom). Use the combination
to open the safe, take the jewels and exit out the front door.

That’s it, the entire game finished in one paragraph and believe me,
even if you are playing by trial-and-error, it still would not take much more
than an hour or so to solve. Also, be sure to save often as you will be faced
with enough bugs to quadruple the time it takes to finish the game.

Now for the big surprise
I’ve been saving for last. Psycho was programmed by none other than adventure game legend Scott Adams
who, at the time, worked for Starsoft Development Laboratories in
Florida. Yes, that Scott Adams, who developed such classics as Adventureland,
Pirate Adventure and the Questprobe series. I guess we all have a
skeleton, or Norman Bates or two in our closets.

Finally, if you are, like
myself, an aficionado of bad games, then you will be thrilled to
learn that like new copies of Psycho can
be purchased from Eli’s Software Encyclopedia and his amazing
warehouse in Scranton, PA.

Final Grade: F
(find out more about our
grading system)