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Be honest, what is the first thing that comes to your mind when
you hear the word ‘adventure’? Exciting stories, faraway lands, fine
leather jackets? Or maybe wild creatures, long lost treasures, ancient
artifacts, fantastic items beyond your wildest dreams? Ladies in
distress? Danger? Drama?

If the answer is “yes”, then this article isn’t for
you.

For the first time ever (and because the world is clearly in bad need of them),
we’re proud to bring you the…

Forget about the Oscars! This is the single most awaited article of the past
months about what will become the most discussed event of the internet for days
to come. Yes, even more than global warming. It will shatter the foundations
of the game industry, shock the audience, and even change the sexual preference
of some people.
You’ve been warned mister! We are angry. And merciless.

Allow me to explain.

Once upon a time, when the world was a better place to live in and there was
love and beauty, the adventure genre existed. You could buy anything referred
to as an ‘adventure’ with confidence, knowing what kind of game to expect as
you more or less know what
to expect when you rent a Jess Franco movie. The birds sang and everything
was golden.

Now we have been boned. It’d seem someone has decided the ‘adventure’ name has
such a wide meaning, it can used to categorize anything that doesn’t fit under
any of the other popular genres. Worse, some of the games featured in this article
doesn’t even follow this logic
(ie: you have downright plain action games). But why, why did they choose
this poor genre to be massacrated? Why doesn’t anybody use ‘shooter’ to label
both Doom and R-Type? Oh no sir, those respected and important
games need to be properly labeled, hence the difference between ‘first-person
shooter’ and plain ‘shooter’. Nobody cares about the adventure genre anymore,
so let’s spread our foul message all over the world! There is such madness plaguing
this
industry that someone has to do something about it. So we here at Just Adventure+ have
decided to
grant the glorious MOTTA Awards, our response to the increasing carelessnes
showed
by many sites.

Basically, we decide which were the most outrageous misappropriations of the
‘adventure’ term during the previous year and then we proceed to ridicule and
make fun of the sites
found most deserving of a MOTTA Award. Obviously, the bulk of the article
will
be the most “notorious” adventure game of the year awards, although there might
be other particular cases (you’ll have to read on and find out for yourself –
be warned
though, it’s excruciating). Of course, the “winners” will be properly notified.
You will remember what the ‘adventure’ name stands for. You will remember us. (manic
laughter here)

A little bit of background considering this is our first issue: the term MOTTA was
coined up by fellow writer Ben Bowen and the winners chosen after an extensive
voting campaign on the Just Adventure+ forums. The number of voters was
astonishing – no more than eighty. Evidently nobody wanted to waste too much
time on this. And I can see where they’re coming from. Anyways, the one who agreed
to do the dirty job, which is writing about these insulting awards (not ours,
mind you, theirs), is yours truly.

Let’s get this over with, shall we.

It’s just a slightly more dramatic alternative of “insult sword fighting”, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be an adventure game.

Ever since Secret Of Monkey Island was released in the early 90’s that pirates have become a recurring theme in adventure games. And deservedly so, as few subjects can rival the excitement and dramatic experience of taking on the role of a pirate. Saddly, SOMI was missing something – due to the technical limitations of the era, our beloved Guybrush Threepwood couldn’t engage on the sort of great fights you get to see in the movies. Thankfully, Pirates! has come back to mend all the problems that plagued SOMI, tossing away the childish nature of the game and awful features (ha-ha who in his right mind would believe real pirates engaged on that sort of dumb insulting) in favor of a more dynamic gameplay.

When I came to this point while writing the article, I had to pause. I was completely blocked. I panicked, trying to figure out what was wrong with me. Yes, it was 2:00 AM but the liter of coffee I had during the last half-hour should’ve been enough. Then I realized what happened. I had absolutely no idea what to say. I am, in fact, still trying to figure out what thing… moment… minimal detail made VGManiacs declare Metroid Prime 2: Echoes the adventure game of the year. Maybe they misinterpreted shooting the creatures as puzzles. Or… I think I got it! Sometimes you need to carefully calculate jumping between platforms – clearly an indicative of a meditative and thoughtful type of gameplay, a notorious trademark of the adventure genre.

Mutiplayer support – check. Varied arsenal of weapons – check. Freaky aliens hunting you – check. Yessire, an adventure game alright!

What’s wrong with you? Can’t you see that’s good-old Larry’s nephew playing some sort of drinking minigame in this fine and traditional adventure game?

It’s always relieving witnessing the commendable work carried on by huge websites like GameSpot. Perhaps one of the biggest problems of the ‘jack-of-all-trades’ type of sites like GameSpot is to provide accurate definitions for all the games they cover. It makes sense if you think about it, as they have a wide variety of readers – people enjoying different types of games, be it strategy, real-time strategy, first-person shooter, stealth/action… Yes, they clearly describe some games as being stealth/action. So it comes as no surprise when they define LSL: Magna Cum Laude and Silent Hill 4 as… well, adventures.

It is of vital importance that we read this accurate definition of adventure games to understand the weight of this award: “Game Tunnel defines adventure games as either platform games, think Super Mario Bros. (Charlie II for indie purists), or action games that are heavier on the storyline and lighter on the action (those that have RPG aspects, but aren’t really RPGs).” Now I can finally rest in peace, knowing that whenever I need to identify an adventure I’ll always have this fantastic and all-encompassing definition at hand. Lord, grant me strength…

Geez guys, you got me worried there for a one second thinking this was a platformer! But now I can see I was wrong and pushing your blob around tiled levels with time limits and stuff is clearly a sign of a classic adventure game.

A most shocking display of that glorious moment in adventure games when you can finally paint the walls with the insides of a threatening old man using your handy shotgun.

Ah the adventurous feeling of bludgeoning someone to death! Running old ladies over with your kick-ass car. Hanging out with hookers. Robbing banks. Listening to rap music. Hell, GTA can be already considered a synonym of ‘adventure’ – and 1UP is well aware of it! Of course, we’re talking about none other than GTA: San Andreas, the game that has been highly anticipated by adventurers all over the world. It happens to be the sequel to GTA: Vice City, the immensely successful game which arguably revived the adventure genre. What makes this collection of bytes such a wonderful experience?

Well, that’s all folks!
We hope you enjoyed our first issue of the MOTTA Awards.
Don’t send me hate mail, I’m just the writer! Make sure you read
us again next year when Quake IV is hailed as the adventure
game of the year. Wooh boy, what a riot that’s going to be!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll go cut my veins with a spoon.