Son of Games You Won’t Believe!
Having too much time on my hands, I once again fell prey to the
itch to hunt down relatively obscure websites. Surely, I thought, after my last
foray into the netherworld of the World Wide Web, it would be impossible to discover
any more oddities on the order of Xmas Carnage or Cow Hunter. I was wrong …
very wrong. Once again, the following games are real. I have not changed a word
from the website text and have also provided links. The game’s descriptions speak
for themselves. Just Adventure’s thoughts are only included in bold at the end
of each excerpt. It is now time to leave all inhibitions aside as you step into
the twilight zone of computer gaming and prepare to play …
Sea Monkeys
KO Interactive
Welcome
to the wonderful world of the Sea Monkeys®! The cultural icons of the 1970’s
are back and available for your PC. Take them home, turn them on and let the fun
begin. These electronic pets are yours to keep and love. Wait like an expectant
parent as your Sea Monkey hatches. Is it a boy or a girl? Name them, tame them
and explore their world. Play with them and love them as you learn the things
they learn. With objects to interact with in every room of their house, your journey
of discovery is endless. Watch your Sea Monkey’s personality take shape and fall
in love with the Sea Monkeys all over again. With over 25,000 frames of animation
and hundreds of different actions, the title will provide incredible replay value.
Oh
my gosh, this company is located only a mile away from where I live in Pittsburgh!
Run, Randy, hide while you can!
Crop Circles
Zero Entertainment
You are Slinus 181 and you have the worst job
in your planet’s armed forces. Your mission is to locate all data energy left
behind by earlier missions to planet 3. The data energy points are stored in fields
around the world. You must locate these points and land on them (using the spacebar)
to absorb their energy (leaving an artistic circular impression behind) before
you run out of fuel.
Once you’ve absorbed all the data from a particular
field you get to go onto the next one until all fields are clear. Once you have
cleared the last field, you will be allowed to move up to the second worst job
in the fleet.
And the second worst job in the fleet would be what–playing
this game?
Dangerous
Airports
Abacus
As an experienced MS Flight Simulator
pilot, you’ve honed your flying skills taking off and landing at dozens of airports
around the world. Now that you’ve built up hundreds of hours refining your techniques,
you’re ready to take on the toughest of the tough. And the upcoming new Dangerous
Airports definitely brings you the tough ones. These airports were carefully chosen
to challenge your nerve – to see if you can work under stress. Based on actual
pilot reports, we bring you some of the world’s most DANGEROUS AIRPORTS.
What
makes these airports so dangerous?
These airports are all located hundreds
or thousands of miles apart. But in a word – what makes these airports dangerous
is the surrounding “terrain”. Weather, high altitude, narrow approaches
and hidden runways all add to the challenge.
What really makes these
airports so dangerous is that all of the pilots only practiced in office chairs,
not cockpits.
Fly
Hunter
Nanotainment
In
FLY HUNTER, you’ll pilot a high-tech NANOCHINE into combat against hordes of tiny
adversaries, from the mundane to the maniacal. It’s up to you to save lunch, and
then save the world.
From the end-tables of the rich and famous, to the
toilets of the slumlords, you’ll go where no geek has gone before. Join us, won’t
you?
Every copy ships with a pile of fake dog poo and a scratch ‘n’ sniff
card.
Five
Hamster Republic games staring Bob the Hamster including our favorite:
Spitwar
Ever
get so mad you could spit? Well don’t! You might short out your keyboard! Instead,
play Spitwar. Choose one of 6 heroes, and battle it out. You can even play against
your friends over an IPX network.
Every
parent’s dream game, “C’mon kids, let’s play this new Spitwar game that teaches
you how to spit at each other for fun!”
Meet
Harry. He is handsome? He is an executive? He is hilarious! He is the stereotypical
bureaucrat that we all love to hate and make fun of. He occupies the management
“swivel chair” with a charm and grace that is not to be denied but that
must be laughed at. Harry is employed by ScumCo, but he is bothered by the fact
that he does not know what they do. He can handle an industrial-strength staple
gun with one hand and steal your donut with the other. What a guy.
Features:
- High-speed, four-way scrolling with “accurate” chair movement
- Sprawling,
maze-like worlds with intelligent enemies - Complex, goal-oriented levels
with obstacles and puzzles - Powerful world editor lets players create their
own office environments
Harry is the kind of guy who makes
Dangerous Airports dangerous.
Mall Maniacs
Unique Development Studios
Mall
Maniacs – the first Shopping racer game in the world! A family adventure where
a bunch of crazy “Maniacs” fight it out over goods of real brands in
amazing Super Market environments. Sprint, ram, and push your way to the cash
registers in The Foodchase, The Quiz, The Foodfight and The Cart Race. This is
not an ordinary day at the mall…
Laugh if you will, but if this
game was by ID and set in an American mall you would have to shoot, bludgeon and
avoid muggers on your way to the cash register.
Pie Jackers is our fast, funny, first-person race
game. It is the year 2020 – so look sharp! There is lots of competition in the
Pizza Delivery business. Customers broadcast their orders and the Pie Jackers
all race to deliver the pie and collect the tip. Rough-stuff Pizza Delivery in
seven cartoon worlds, with Cheech Marin, Cyndi Lauper & Gary Williams!
Just
when I was worried that Cheech Marin, Cyndi Lauper, and Gary Williams’s careers
were over!
