Adventure games and side-scrollers are two of the oldest genres in
computer gaming. So why not mix them together? Short answer: The Bermuda Syndrome.

If The Bermuda Syndrome were a Hollywood film, it would surely
be an instant hit. I mean, it’s got dinosaurs, dinosaurs getting their heads blown
off, primitive villagers, primitive villagers getting their heads blown off, and
a topless female lead. Unfortunately, nudity and violence don’t always make for
good adventure gaming: The Bermuda Syndrome is essentially a crummy side-scroller
and a crummier adventure game mixed together.

The Bermuda Syndrome basically
chronicles the adventures of pilot Jack J. Thompson, a World War II fighter pilot
shot down on an island in the Bermuda Triangle (now I’m no history buff, but I
really don’t think any aerial battles were fought in the Caribbean). Unfortunately
for Jack-o, this island happens to be inhabited by dinosaurs that would like nothing
more than to disembowel and cook him with a bit of cilantro. Jack is joined by
the Princess, a native girl who wears about as much as Britney Spears in her recent
Pepsi commercial (sans the suspenders and, uh, half of her bra).

Jack is
controlled in the typical side-scrolling fashion of the left, right, and up keys.
There’s nothing wrong with that. However, there is something wrong with the fact
that Jack is about as responsive as a Ford Expedition. There are only about ten
possible places to stand on each screen, as opposed to about a hundred in more
recent side-scrollers like Jazz Jackrabbit.

And, believe it or not, the
adventure facets of the game are even worse. Jack interfaces with the world by
selecting an inventory object and then pressing enter. As if that weren’t enough,
various “action-only” segments are sprinkled throughout The Bermuda
Syndrome, where Jack jumps, shoots, and meanders through caves of enemies.
Playing The Bermuda Syndrome is about as fun as listening to John Denver’s
greatest hits (alternate sentence for people who like John Denver: Playing The
Bermuda Syndrome is about as fun as listening to Eminem’s greatest hits) (alternate
sentence for people who like John Denver and Eminem: Playing The Bermuda
Syndrome is about as fun as going a day with no hallucinogenic drugs).

In
all fairness, the graphics and sound in The Bermuda Syndrome are very well-done.
Each screen has a beautiful pastel background, and the dinosaurs are lovingly
3D-rendered (especially for 1995 technology). Music is excellent, as is voice
acting. Jack sounds like your typical 1950s tough-guy hero, and the Princess is,
for some odd reason, French. The dialogue is very campy, very fifties B-movie.
Lines like, “Kiss me, Jack Thompson,” are really corny, but hey, they
work!

But eye and ear candy are nothing if a game’s no fun to play, and
The Bermuda Syndrome is definitely not fun to play. There’s no hope for
the side-scroller/adventure genre, and somehow I doubt any tears will be shed
over it. And if you see a Bermuda Syndrome movie, don’t be too surprised.

Final
Grade: D

If you liked The Bermuda Syndrome:
See: A
psychiatrist
Play: Jazz Jackrabbit 2
Read: Jurassic
Park by Michael Crichton
Watch: King Kong

System
Requirements:IBM-PC 486 DX
66 MHz or faster
processor
8 MB memory
Windows 95
2x CD-ROM drive or faster
256-color
SVGA video graphic card
Sound card