10
Adventure Games for Lovers
I
hear you out there snickering, “Randy’s really lost it this time, adventure
games for lovers.” Think about it, though, what better way to spend an evening
with a loved one than by sharing the intellectual stimulation of an adventure
game? Somehow, the thought of playing Soldier of Fortune and relieving
opponents of their limbs just isn’t the same.
Besides, and I’ll be the
first to admit it, our 10
Best Adventure Games That (Almost) No One Has Ever Played is easily our most-read
column ever, and similar articles–10
Scariest Games of All-Time, 10
Biggest Turkeys of All Time, 10
Games You Won’t Believe, and Son
of 10 Games You Won’t Believe–have all left our readers clamoring for more,
and who am I to say no?
Some of the following games are not the best you
will ever play, but that is not the point. These are shared experiences that will
bring you intellectually and, hopefully, physically closer to your loved one as
you share the wonderment and sexuality of adventure gaming. So snuggle up to your
wife or husband, boyfriend or girlfriend, significant other, or, if you are a
major computer geek, your favorite blow-up doll. Now dim the lights on that monitor
and settle in for an evening of amour.
10. The Legend
of Lotus Spring
Developer:
Women Wise
Publisher: Dreamcatcher Interactive
Release Date: 2000
Just
Adventure Grade: A-
The following is for our male readers only: okay guys, what better
way to prove to your girlfriend/wife that you love her than to play
this “girlie” game? You’ll score major sensitivity points,
plus later in the evening when she has gone to bed and you’re playing
Doom with the volume turned down, she’ll think you’re still
exploring the world of Lotus Spring and love you all the more.
9. Leisure Suit
Larry in Love for Sail
Developer/Publisher:
Sierra
Release Date: 1997
Just Adventure Grade: Soon to be reviewed
Schwing!
It’s that polyester master of double entendres aboard a boatload of babes on the
PMS Bounty. Join Larry as he looks for love in all the wrong places. Increase
the game’s “filth level” to enjoy the bawdiest jokes and be ready to
use that scratch ‘n’ sniff card that comes with the game.
As if that’s
not enough, condoms are hidden throughout the game for you to collect. Join in
the fun and hide condoms filled with Hershey Kisses throughout your computer room.
First one to find them all gets to be the Gangster of Love (Just hope the chocolate
hasn’t melted). Unlike the rumors for other games, Love for Sail really
does have “nude” codes (don’t you just love that Al Lowe?).
Larry’s
dinghy is one you will want to sail on forever.
8. Timescape:
Journey to Pompeii
Developer:
Arxel Tribe
Publisher: Dreamcatcher Interactive
Release Date: 2000
Just
Adventure Grade: A
From Tom Houston’s JA
review:
“Your character for Pompei … is Adrian Blake,
an explorer and well-respected cartographer who lives in England. While on an
assignment in 1918 near the town of Erevan in the region that is now known as
Armenia, Adrian becomes gravely ill. Stranded in a cave, Adrian is unable to move
due to his illness, and his chances for survival grow dim. As his hopes fade,
an apparition of the goddess Ishtar (Aphrodite) appears, offering to cure his
malady if he professes his love for her. Adrian, despite the desperation of his
situation, refuses Ishtar, because he loves Sophia, his bride-to-be, who is back
in England awaiting his return. Ishtar becomes angry and vows to seek retribution.
“Somehow,
Adrian survives, because now it is one year later, on the eve of his eagerly anticipated
wedding to Sophia, when he discovers that Sophia is missing. The grief-stricken
Adrian searches for an explanation in his manuscripts. Ultimately, his thoughts
turn to Ishtar, and he discovers an ancient curse of Ishtar that just might explain
Sophia’s disappearance. Further study in his manuscripts reveals that to save
Sophia and bring her back, Adrian must save the ‘personification’ of Sophia three
times in three different eras.”
The ultimate love story. Travel through
time to save your loved one (or not!). Imagine the possibilities: lovers in different
time eras or even different lovers in different eras. The potential for multiple
mates without getting caught is mind-boggling. If movies like Time After Time
make you sob uncontrollably, then this will be a three-handkerchief game.
7.
Broken Sword II: The Smoking Mirror
Publisher:
Revolution Software
Release Date: 1997
Just Adventure Grade: B-
American-born
George and French-bred Nico are a hot item in the annals of adventure gaming.
For years fans have been clamoring for a continuation or some sort of closure
to this relationship. Their sarcastic, often-cutting dialogues reek of sexual
frustration.
I just returned from Paris and those cosmopolitan, sophisticated
Frenchwomen were falling all over me. Maybe it was my suave manner
combined with my sexy English accent. Maybe it was the way I slung
my coat over my shoulder. Personally, I think it was because I have
“adventure gamer” written all over me.
6. Real Myst
Developer:
Cyan
Publisher: Mattel
Release Date: November 2000
Just Adventure Grade:
B
From Ray Ivey’s JA
review:
“… the fact that you can now glide around these
beautiful environments at will in gorgeous real-time 3D is truly a revelation.
I think this is the game that should drive a stake in the heart of the notion
that RTR games can’t look as good as prerendered. This game is drop-dead gorgeous
eye candy from start to finish.
“To begin with, of course, there’s
the sheer beauty of the game’s original environments. The lovely Myst island,
the soggy wonder of the Channelwood Age, the creepy openness of the Selenitic
Age, etc. But the designers weren’t satisfied with merely recreating those wonders
in 3D. They added stunning weather, water, and animal effects that truly make
the game pop visually. The Stoneship Age, for example, with its roiling water,
thunderstorms, and sunsets, is hauntingly beautiful to behold. And the variety
of fish visible from the underwater study are fascinating to watch.”
There’s
just something about Myst that drives women into a sexual frenzy. Maybe
it’s the solitude of exploring the 3D worlds. Maybe it’s the soothing sound of
the water lapping onto the shore. Maybe it’s all the phallic imagery. Whatever
the reason, this is one island you’ll want to visit with your loved one. Just
be wary of those time-share salesmen unless you’re looking forward to spending
your remaining days in the swampy bogs of Channelwood.
5.
Gabriel Knight 2: The Beast Within
Developer/Publisher:
Sierra
Release Date: 1998
Just Adventure Grade: A+
You could cut the sexual tension with a knife. Gabriel and Grace
portrayed by flesh-and-blood actors. Furtive glances, secret touches;
light nibbling on the neck … and that is just between Gabe and Von
Glower! Hints of homosexuality run rampant, not to mention werewolf
bestiality. The only ones who don’t get it on are Grace and Gabe.
Be bold, one of you play as Grace and the other as Gabe. Invite a
friend to wear a werewolf mask and play along–make it a threesome.
4.
Titanic: Adventure Out of Time
Developer:
Cyberflix
Publisher: GTE Entertainment
Release Date: 1996
Just Adventure
Grade: Soon to be reviewed
So what if there’s no Leonardo DeCaprio or
Kate Winslett on board? No problem! Put the movie soundtrack on your stereo and
settle back to the familiar voice of Celine Dion.
Titanic: Adventure
Out of Time is actually one of the best-selling adventure games of all time
thanks to an opportune reissue of the game during the height of the movie’s popularity.
In fact, last year alone, Titanic sold an additional several thousand copies,
reaching a sales figure that many new games would love to claim.
This story
begins in 1942 during the height of World War II. As the Blitzkrieg rages outside
your room, a violent catalyst hurtles you back thirty years to a time when you
were a Secret Service Agent aboard the RMS Titanic. Your success or failure
to recover a stolen book could determine the future of the world. Over 25 interactive
characters and a historically accurate digital reconstruction of the Titanic with
photorealistic graphics immerse you in the story with an unprecedented realism.
Plus a guided tour option lets you learn about the famed ship from interactive
tour guides. Maybe if you look hard enough, you’ll find a car with an empty back
seat in the hold of the ship. Ship ahoy!
3. Dracula Resurrection
Developer:
France Telecom Multimedia/Canal+ Multimedia
Publisher: Dreamcatcher Interactive
Release
Date: 2000
Just Adventure Grade: B+
From the Just
Adventure review:
“Dracula Resurrection is actually presented
as a sequel to Bram Stoker’s novel. The opening movie reenacts the climatic events
of the 1897 novel as we watch Jonathan Harker attempt to destroy his arch-nemesis.
His weapons prove futile, though, and only the rising sun saves Jonathan and Mina,
his fiancee, from a life of eternal darkness. Seven years pass, and we watch as
Jonathan reads an unbelievable letter from Mina, now his wife. She has been overcome
by an irresistible urge, a yearning for the sexual bloodlust of the vampire, and
has returned to Transylvania. Jonathan, as we learn through a letter he composes
to his friend Seward, journeys to save his beloved, and thus our game begins.
This is not a Hammer film, though. There are no subplots, no vampire hunters,
no Christopher Lees. It is simply you, playing in a first-person perspective as
Jonathan Harker, attempting to reach Dracula’s castle and rescue Mina. Much as
the novel dripped of atmosphere over a hundred years ago, so also does the computer
game. A feeling of loneliness prevails as you wend your way through catacombs
and hidden passages. The fear of the townspeople is reflected in their eyes and
etched in their faces.”
Can you think of a better way to spend a romantic
evening than protecting your loved one from the bloodsucking advances of a vampire?
How about your loved one protecting herself from your advances as you play this
game with the lights out? It won’t take long until the howling and moaning you
hear are coming from places other than your computer speakers.
2.
Tender Loving Care
Developer/Publisher:
Aftermath Media
Release Date: 1998
Just Adventure Grade: B+
From
Craig White’s JA review:
“Tender Loving Care is not a typical adventure game; in fact, Aftermath
Media is not even categorizing it as a graphic adventure. Instead, it is considered
an ‘interactive movie’ similar to Phantasmagoria but with a design twist.
It is definitely original, and we felt it deserved a fair review on our site.
I must say I thoroughly enjoyed the game, and an added bonus, and a credit to
the designers, is that it is replayable–there are many paths to the end and a
few different endings … A twisted story of sex, lies and sanity awaits. At times
it seems the subject of sex and nudity is pushed too far. Some players may not
want to see a naked woman throwing herself against a window for everyone outside
to see her. On the other hand, maybe some of you may get kick out of that kind
of stuff.”
Sex and nudity pushed too far?! Some players may not want
to see a naked woman?! I say bring it on! After innumerable, mind-numbing adventure
games starring bumbling detectives, sci-fi aliens, futuristic landscapes, and
cutesy dwarves and elves, I’m ready for some mature entertainment. Just to make
matters more interesting is an extremely personal psychological quiz that you
must participate in to advance the game. So what does that ink blot look like
to you?
1. Rocky Interactive Horror Show
Developer/Publisher:
On-Line
Release Date: 1999
Just Adventure Grade: Soon to be reviewed
It’s
just a simple, everyday rock-and-roll story of boy meets girl meets alien transvestite
from another world. Play as either Brad or Janet and release your partner before
the house turns into a spaceship and blasts off for the planet of Transsexual
Transylvania.
Stock up on hot dogs and toilet paper, then crank up your
computer speakers: it’s just a jump to the left and a step to the right as you
and your loved one do the Time Warp again. Be prepared to strip to your undies,
for if you bump into Riff-Raff, he will steal your clothes–and what could be
more fun, and romantic, than to strip along with your monitor persona?
Starring
Richard O’Brien, the creator of the original Rocky Horror Picture Show, as
the Game Devil and classic horror actor Christopher Lee as the Narrator, Rocky
Interactive Horror Show contains over 80 puzzles to solve and features rotoscoped
characters from the movie along with video clips and original music by O’Brien
interspersed with such toe-tapping classics like Time Warp, There’s a Light
and Sweet Transvestite.
What makes this the perfect adventure game for
lovers, though, is that Rocky Interactive Horror Show is a timed game.
You have thirty minutes in which to save your partner. For you purists who would
rather just play the game, there are many ways to extend the thirty-minute time
limit. For the rest of us, after playing in our skivvies for thirty minutes. it
might be time to move on to other games.
Rocky Interactive Horror Show
is currently available for the first time in North America at many Electronic
Boutiques and Babbages for the low price of $19.99.
