Articles

TWINKLE
TOES IVEY

This is not a review. It’s a confession.

Convergence. It’s one of those groovy hot-button words on the
bleeding edge of electronics today. Take two previously unrelated
features and throw them together. The result? More crunchy comsumer
goodness: cell phones that take pictures, televisions that record
programs, toasters that give massages.

I’ve always found most convergence ideas mildly irritating.
I don’t have a pressing need to have my refrigerator polish
my bowling ball, thank you, and while a cell phone that can take
pictures is a slightly intriguing idea, it doesn’t keep me
up at night.

However. This all changed
recently while watching my favorite computer game television show,
Tech TV’s “Extended Play” (now “X
Play”). The show’s excellent host did a fascinating feature
on the Dance Dance Revolution craze.

Always interested in
a new type of gaming experience, I put my feet up on the coffee
table, took a sip of Diet Coke, reached
for another
chocolate doughnut, and watched.

Dance Dance Revolution
is a “rhythm game,” which in this
case translates as “a game you can play with your feet.” Instead
of your regular Playstation controller, you hook up this cunning
little plastic Twister-esqe mat to your Playstation. All of the buttons
on the controller are represented on the mat.

The essence of the game
is simplicity itself. While listening to bad techno and neo-soul
music, you watch the screen
and stomp your
feet where and when the game tells you to. You are scored
according to how accurately your feet “read” the screen.

COME AND MEET THOSE DANCING
FEET

Dance Dance Revolution,
and its spin-offs and imitators, have been phenomenally successful
in arcades. You can
play the game
solo
or against a friend. The piece “Extended Play” piece interviewed
lots of sweaty, slim young people who gushed enthusiastically about
the game. At first I watched with sad resignation. A couple of E3s
ago, I tried a Disney version of this kind of game and neatly humiliated
my fat, old self in front of many appreciative industry onlookers.
I haven’t thought much more about these types of games since.

And then the miracle
happened. Host Adam Sessler interviewed a slightly chubby young
man who beamed
with radiant
DDR enthusiasm. “How
much weight have you lost playing DDR,” Adam asked. “So
far,” the kid answered, “130 lbs.”

I froze, the sixth chocolate
doughnut two inches from my face. Did that kid just say 130 pounds!?!?.
I quickly
finished
the
sixth doughnut
and chased it down with a seventh to bolster
my
concentration. One hundred and thirty freakin’ pounds?!

In a flash it came to
me. The planets had aligned. I was about to benefit from my very
own form
of convergence: electronic games meet
exercise.

GOTTA DANCE

Grabbing a king-sized
Snickers bar for energy, I dashed off to my local EBX boutique
and
demanded a sparkly
new copy
of “DDR
Max” and (sold separately), one “beat pad,” (for
that is the plastic Twister-like mat is called).

Giddily, I plugged in
the mat and tossed the DVD into the Playstation. Like a good
soldier,
I went
through
the entire
tutorial, which
took about an hour.

And doubts I had about
DDR being good exercise were erased when I attempted
to drive downtown
to deliver
the three
hour class
I was
teaching that night. I could barely
move, and practically had to teach from a prone
position
on the floor.
Mein Gott, I thought,
if I’m this thrashed after the tutorial, I’ll be a sleek,
golden god if I begin playing the game in earnest!

I MAY BE TOTALLY
WRONG BUT I’M A DANCIN’ FOOL

The kewl thing about
the game is that it saves your progress like any other
game.
So what
I’m doing is playing it several times
a week, and concentrating on trying to improve my scores. Now, I’m
not actually saying that if a DDR talent scout was spying on my apartment
that I might be the next arcade dance star, but I’m not doing
badly for a middle-aged bohemoth.

So. Have I lost the weight
yet? Am I now shopping at Structure
instead
of
Gigantic & Tall? Are willowy youths pouncing on me wherever
I go, initiating unfulfilling but wildly fun physical liaisons?

Okay, not yet. But check
back with me; I’ll keep you posted!!