If Just Adventure had been
in existence eleven years ago (that would be 1991 for those not mathematically
inclined) we surely would have reviewed – and praised – the
original Sega Genesis release of Toe Joe & Earl. But
since we weren’t, we’ve decided to atone for our past
omissions and now present you with this review of a game that even
though it is over a decade old, still outshines anything else on the
market. Ha! Just kidding, thought I’d freak you out there for
a moment. Actually, I was just trying to throw off-guard those of
you who are wondering why we are recommending a game that is not pure
adventure. Nor is it action/adventure, nor is it strategy or puzzle
or….well, exactly what genre is Toe
Jam & Earl III: Mission to Earth? I really don’t
know, but to quote that great seafaring sage Popeye, “I knows
what I likes and I likes what I knows.”

Toe
Jam & Earl III, with its offbeat humor, endless inventory
items and well-defined characters, would appeal to any adventure gamer
fond of Tony Tough or the Monkey Island series.
It is basically a remake of the original, albeit with gorgeous 3D
graphics and hilarious double entendres that would have been previously
unthinkable in a console game a decade ago. Two quick notes of interest
about the game’s title: it is interesting that Sega decided
to use the III since the last installment in the series – Panic
on Funkotron – appeared almost ten years ago (1993) and the game’s
original subtitle was All Funked Up, but was changed to Mission
to Earth apparently for the same reasons that the now immortal
Pac Man was renamed from its original moniker of Puck-Man (I’m
going to let you figure this one out on your own).

So
what’s TJ&E IIII all about? Well, it doesn’t
really matter as the plot is just an excuse to unleash all the zaniness,
but just for the record Lamont the Funkopotamus, a Yoda-like blue
creature who harbors the mystical powers of ‘The Funk’
sends his disciples Toe Jam, Earl & Latisha to collect the stolen
twelve Sacred Albums of Funk and rid the earth of the nefarious Anti-Funk.
What ensues is a madcap adventure that takes place on areas of Earth
– urban, desert, snowy, etc. – that for some reason are floating
disjointedly in space.

Quite simply, you choose
which character you want to play as and then wander around looking
for the Sacred Albums. It’s a simple concept that succeeds because
it never gets overly complicated. On every level you must collect
keys that will allow access to higher levels and presents for your
inventory that help you overcome the funkless earthlings. The list
of presents could fill another page, but some of the funnier ones
are: Bad Opera – open this present and Earthlings terrified
of opera will leap off cliffs and Stupid Hiding – a present
that disguises you as a tree. While these presents are used to protect
yourself from the Earthlings until you can grant them funk, there
are also ‘bad’ or unknown presents that will thwart your
best laid plans like a School Book that when opened will put you to
sleep and at the mercy of the Earthlings.

As
for what you do when you encounter an uncool Earthling? Why you funkify
him baby! You can either use your acquired Funk Fu to smack some sense
into him or your funk rhythm that will get their toes a tappin’.
The cast of characters: the Boogie Man, a Wiseman in a Carrot Suit,
Fat Man With Mower (who tries to mow you down) and Nasty Little Girl
(“My mommy says you’re my real daddy and you should be
paying us a lot of money every month”) and I’m just scratching
the surface. Almost every new level of each area introduces either
a new character or a new type of present.

But – and there are
lots of butts in TJ&E III – if there is a downside
to the game, it is that the later stages have so many characters running
around that the lunacy becomes almost impossible to corral and you
find yourself proceeding little by little, reloading to start again
or progressing and saving little by little. There are times when I
found myself donning Icarus Wings so I could fly above the chaos,
locate the stolen album and jump into the elevator to return to safety
and while this is a quick way to proceed, I also missed out on many
presents that could have useful in later levels.

For
those who don’t like to play alone, there is a two-player option
that is a hoot. The game is the same but you can share health with
you partner by giving him a high-five and teamwork makes it easier
to progress (though I did play through with the single-player mode).
There is also an option to download new characters and presents if
you are playing the game on Xbox Live. While I think this is a great
idea to increase the game’s playability, unless Microsoft or
Sega offer to pay my subscription fee for this service, I can’t
really comment on its effectiveness.

This is a game that you’ll
either fall in love with quicker than Rosie O’Donnell in a cupcake
factory or be turned-off faster than a Kathie Lee Gifford Christmas
special. If you’re offended by the thought of a heavenly Harlem
choir or remarks about Toe Jams third leg (he is an alien after all)
then play Sly Cooper instead. But if your idea of fun is
hiding from chickens brandishing rocket blasters firing eggs or cheap,
tawdry jokes about cheerleaders and their enormous pom-poms, then
you’ll find Toe Jam & Earl III: Mission to Earth
to be funking hilarious.

Final Grade: B+