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For the first time ever, I am about to review a game and I am at a loss for words. Yet it is not so much that I cannot think of what to say, I am wondering how to say it. For, you see, the French adventure company Index, the company that has imported such wonderful adventure games such as Dracula Resurrection and Dracula Last Sanctuary, Paris 1313 and Necronomicon, this same company that we have come to know and love, also released in 1998 an adventure gamed based on and named after the Kama Sutra. In fact, as I have only recently discovered, both French and German adventure gamers have had adult-themed games at their disposal for years. Those of you who are already familiar with the Kama Sutra are, I am sure, shaking your heads right about now and mumbling, "Surely Randy must be mistaken, how could you create an adventure game based on the Kama Sutra?" For those of you not yet enlightened in the ways of the Kama Sutra, maybe it is time to begin your "birds and bees" education. Kama Sutra is Sanskrit for "aphorisms of love," and the original text was written in ancient India. Not only is it a technical guide on sexual and sensual enjoyment, but it has also been used to gain insights into the historical and anthropological mores of ancient India. Most importantly, though, for hundreds of years it has been used as a guide to the numerous lovemaking positions (although I'm at an age where I spend more time trying to figure out how to get out of a position rather than into one) attained by diligent couples. Strangely, this is one leisurely pursuit where no one ever seems to complain about too much practice. Sir Richard Burton, who also translated the Arabian Nights, is responsible for our modern translation of the Kama Sutra from Sanskrit. The game we played is fortunately not in Sanskrit, but it is in that other language of love--French. While I am adept at reading French, I do have difficulty translating it when spoken, but I tell you from firsthand experience that when you want to play a game badly enough, there are no boundaries you will not cross. So now that I probably have your undivided attention and since you may never have the opportunity to play this game, give me a moment to find my thesaurus so that I can learn twenty different ways to say copulate without turning Just Adventure into an X-rated site. The heroine of our story is Parva, a comely young college lass. While riding her motor scooter home from classes one afternoon. she inadvertently crashes into an Indian gentleman, causing him to drop his package. In his anger, he forgets the package, so Parva innocently takes it home. After phoning her friend Lulu (to hear Parva say Lulu's name is to die for), Parva invites Lulu and her boyfriend over for some afternoon delight. As Parv is powdering her butt in anticipation of the visit (I don't make this stuff up), the package, which has since been opened and contained a sash, transforms into a talking, uh, organ, which for some inexplicable reason does not seem ludicrous to Parva. Lulu and her boyfriend, Laurent, soon arrive, and before you can say ménage-a-trois, you find yourself leading the threesome through a complicated series of Twister-like maneuvers. As the scene reaches its climax, an Indian Thug bursts through the front door, and a panty-less Parva escapes through her loft skylight As Parva flees through dark alleys, she soon finds a gentleman who lends his assistance by pretending to be her boyfriend. Once the Thug has moved on, Parva thanks her dark alley friend by, uh, well you know. But, as is the case with most men, this fellow does not know when to quit, so thankfully Lulu comes to the rescue. Through a series of misadventures, Parva soon finds herself aboard a tramp steamer headed who knows where. Parva does escape from the tramp steamer, but before she does there is a lengthy convoluted puzzle involving a naked fat man, a seductive naked woman, a deckhand hiding behind a grate, and a candle. Use your imagination, as I don't possess the ability to describe this scene without requiring a cold shower afterwards. Parva washes up on the shore of an island, where she is soon captured and imprisoned in a Kali temple. There is a series of four puzzles she must solve to escape, and these are not your normal, everyday "combine a stick and a blade to create an axe" puzzles that have baffled adventure gamers for years. Instead, we must painstakingly force ourselves upon a series of sexual partners until we find the perfect fit (you know you have succeeded when your character faces the screen with a huge grin on her face), match positions from the Kama Sutra, escape a fiery pit by whipping a swinging nude woman on her behind, and match tiles depicting various acts of love-making. The pain and misery of solving all of these puzzles soon allows Parva to escape and, after a brief conversation with a talking "snake," our heroine manages to save the world from the evils of Kali armed with only her wits and naked, seductive, curvaceous body. If only all of earth's problems could be solved so easily. Kama Sutra really, really is an adventure game. It is just a type of game and subject matter that we have never seen in North America. There are inventory puzzles, though for the purpose of moving the game along they are never very difficult, and the plot is simply an excuse to justify the numerous sexual escapades. The graphics are 2D and for the most part consist of a series of still scenes that progress forward in a staccato fashion. Also, my profuse apologies for not providing more screen shots, but when the heroine of the game is clad only in a tight t-shirt, and often not even that much, well, I think you understand. There is honestly not a single feature of Kama Sutra that is outstanding, yet there is something refreshing about a game that is really nothing more than soft-core porn and proud of it. Some entrepreneur who is willing to take a chance would be wise to translate this game into English and get rich quick by selling it in every Spencer gift shop and adult book store across the United States. Anyone care to lend me fifty grand? Final Grade: B If you liked Kama Sutra: System Requirements:
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