Spaz: Dude, why would anybody title a game I'll Bleed?

Twitch: It's not I'll Bleed, you knucklehead, it's Illbleed.

Spaz: Dude, you call me another name and we'll be renaming this review to You'll Bleed.

Twitch: Oh, so the grasshopper dares threaten the master? Aiiiieeeee ...

Spaz: Dude, when this review is over, me and you out behind the dumpster.

Twitch: Aren't you afraid we'll mess up your dining area?

Randy: Okay, that's enough you two, how about getting on with the review!

Twitch: Anyhow, Illbleed is a survival horror game for gamers who don't like survival horror games. In fact, this is more an adventure game than it is survival horror. There's lots of puzzles, lots of traps to avoid, lots of inventory items, and very little monster bashing.

Spaz: Not only is Illbleed made to resemble a B-movie, but it also takes place in a park featuring six different B-movie-type areas.

Twitch: A horror-movie producer has built a horror theme park and offered a prize of one hundred million dollars to anyone who can make it through the park alive. Eriko Christy's friends decide to give it a try, but Eriko decides to stay behind. When a few days go by and she doesn't see her friends, Eriko decides to visit Illbleed herself.

Spaz: Everything about this game is intentionally cheesy, from the graphics to the plot to the voice acting. But once you catch on that it is intentional, it becomes fun to spot all of the ludicrous themes.

Twitch: The park contains six separate theaters: The Home Run of Death, Revenge of the Queen Worm, Woodpuppets, Killer Department Store, Killerman, and Toy Hunter. The theaters must be entered in order. Before you can enter any theater, you must find the horror monitor, a device that senses traps and helpful items within each level so that you can either avoid or activate them before they can cause you harm. If you fail to disarm most of the traps, your character will eventually die either from shock or blood loss. But if you deactivate too many of the traps, you will use up all of your adrenaline and leave yourself open to attack. What a dilemma!

Spaz: All of this searching leaves you open to attacks from monsters, so luckily there are not that many in Illbleed. You will run across them occasionally, and there is a boss monster at the end of every level, but most of these are defeated more by wit than by brute force.

Twitch: Once you have successfully completed a theater by solving the puzzles and avoiding the traps, one of your friends is saved and can then be used in the following levels. Plus you will be awarded a cash prize to be spent wisely at the main park. The main park contains a shop where you can purchase items, a photo shop to save your game (don't worry, you can also save your game during a level), a visitor's center to change characters, and an emergency room where you can get healed or upgrade your character with improved body parts that you find scattered throughout the theaters.

Spaz: Just so you don't think that all is silliness, there are more eerie echoes, spooky screams, and weird whispers than you can shake a Ouija board at. Not to mention a baseball diamond haunted by a little boy's ghost, a possessed department store, a scary campsite, and deadly worms. There is something here for everyone.

Twitch: While the slow pace of Illbleed is not for everyone, it is a game that will appeal to methodical players who like an occasional scare and don't mind battling the a monster here or there.

Spaz: Speaking of scary, I saw your mom last night.

Twitch: That's the last straw. The time has come to squash the puny grasshopper ... Aiiiieeeeeee ...

Final Grade: B