Game reviewers tend to be a bit wordy in these modern Internet ages (i.e., "the game culminates in an epic showdown between good and evil, in which the worthy ultimately prevails," instead of, "the bad dude loses"). So I'll make this short. Real short. Play The Gene Machine. Now.

"But wait!" you demand, "what is this The Gene Machine, and why have I never heard of it?" Fair reader, allow me to put this simply: forget Monkey Island; throw Kings Quest in the trash bin. The Gene Machine is a third-person animated adventure of epic proportions (this could easily be the biggest adventure I've ever played) that takes a satirical look of Great Britain during the Victorian era, and it is the new (actually, it's rather old) boss in town. And why have you (most likely) never heard of it? The Gene Machine comes from the rather unknown publisher Vic Tokai and is living (well, more of programmed) proof that great games don't have to come from big companies.

The Gene Machine stars British secret agent Piers Featherstonehaugh (pronounced "fanshaw") and his loyal manservant Mossop as they try to save the British Empire (and maybe the world) from the evil plans of Dr. Dinsey (he has a device called "The Gene Machine" that allows him to mix and match animals and humans). Fortunately for British subjects everywhere, a human-cat hybrid named 73 escapes from Dinsey Island (the worst evil headquarters name since "Hitlerland") and alerts Featherstonehaugh. It's a farfetched concept, sure, but The Gene Machine is a satire, and it pokes fun at Victorian stories by H.G. Wells and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.

Being a third-person adventurer and all, Featherstonehaugh interacts with his world through timely clicks of the mouse. If you click on an object that can be used, various subcommands pop up on the screen (pick up, taste, smell, talk). Most of the puzzles are inventory-based. But unlike other games in the third-person cartoon subgenre, puzzles are rarely frustrating and almost always logical, but they also require a fair amount of thinking. And there are a lot of puzzles. The Gene Machine took me about 13 hours to complete, and I can honestly say there was nary a boring moment.

The graphics in The Gene Machine are quite simply beautiful. Backgrounds are all drawn in pastels, and sprites are colorful and well-animated (Queen Victoria's hyper-doggy jumps up and down; 73 toys with a mouse in his spare time). Some 3D animations are dispersed through the game; in all truth, these sequences don't quite fit the mood of the game.

I can't think of a game with better sound than The Gene Machine. The voice acting is better cast than some movies! Featherstonehaugh is pompous and elitist; Queen Victoria is borderline schizophrenic; Mossop is dumb and obedient. Music is also of the highest caliber (and by caliber, I of course mean "containing lots of harpsichord").

And yet you're still reading this. If you've ever played a LucasArts or Sierra adventure and enjoyed it, you'll love The Gene Machine. So follow my guaranteed three-step program to happiness: Find The Gene Machine. Buy The Gene Machine. Play The Gene Machine. Now!

Final Grade: A

If you liked The Gene Machine:
Play: Laura Bow and the Dagger of Amon Ra
Read: Anything by H.G. Wells or Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
Watch: 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea

System Requirements:

486 Processor
8 MB RAM
15 MB free hard drive space
Sound card
Mouse recommended