When was the last time you watched 1941? Or Always? or Hook? or even The Terminal for that matter.

I'd rather watch Velociraptors running around and T-Rex eating small dogs

Originally Posted By dombrewer (8 NOV 2004 1:34am)

Calling films like 2001, Chariots of Fire, Minority Report, Titanic, The English Patient et al "the worst" is very closed minded, especially seeing all of the above are films loved by a large number of people.

Originally Posted By dombrewer (8 NOV 2004 1:34am)
Titanic. Amazing how one of the most successful films of all time is now so roundly despised, just because it did such phenomenal business (and won a shed of oscars...like that means anything). I don't think a great deal of it now, but sitting in that cinema watching that huge ship sinking with my heart in my mouth was totally brilliant film-making.

Juji: Not that eager to defend this film but velociraptor's get kicked in the head in Jurassic Park too.

Originally Posted By SquarejawHero (10 NOV 2004 9:54am)
Lex does it near the end in the computer room after they climb into the ceiling. (I like Jurassic Park  

)

And quit defending Minority Report. Those scenes were hardly classic... the whole film was a mess of ideas and no cohesion! At least Jurassic Park had a strong, if basic, structure to it and some greater Spielbergian moments than MR - the fence climbing, the Brontosaur scene, the introduction, being hunted by the Velociraptors... etc. etc. MR tried to give the appearence of being clever when all it was was some ideas stapled together and offered more questions than answers (not that that's a bad thing when done well).

The spider robot scene pales in comparasion to the T-Rex intro. That's the best they could do? Ack. I expected more from Spielberg.

Lex does it near the end in the computer room after they climb into the ceiling.

Originally Posted By dombrewer (10 NOV 2004 11:19pm)

Prince of Darkness
The Ugly
The Keep

"Keep well away."

SPOILERS

I read the book when I was quite young (mainly because the cover had a particularly evil looking vampire on it) and I managed to see the film a few years later but it has been well over ten years since then. Only tonight I revisited the film again with some excitement and high expectations. What a huge let down.

Michael Mann is probably one of my favourite directors - I consider 'Heat' and 'Manhunter' to be two of the best thrillers going, and 'The Insider', 'Thief', 'Last of the Mohicans' and 'Ali' are all well made, beautifully shot films too. What on earth went wrong on this one? Mann really has no excuse for the unstructured mess we are presented with seeing he was directing his own screenplay, based on strong source material, with high calibre actors and a decent sized budget. $6 Million is not as low budget as you'd think in 1983, let's not forget one James Cameron managed to make an enduring classic for the same amount a year later with effects that still stand up today. The quality of picture and sound is lamentable - the latter so muddy it is often impossible to hear the dialogue properly, which turns out to be something of a blessing. Only the cinematography raises the bar, and is the sole reason this film is remembered (and even revered amongst the terminally cult) and even that is actually only so-so.

The acting is acceptable considering the appalling script they had to work with. Irish Gabriel Byrne plays a Nazi Major with an English accent, Robert Prosky plays a Romanian priest with an American accent, Alberta Watson plays a Romanian Jewess with a Canadian accent, and poor Ian McKellen plays a Romanian Jewish Doctor with an American accent (almost certainly because Watson couldn't do a Romanian accent or a British accent and McKellen had to convincingly play her father). Only Jurgen Prochnow manages to act a role with his own accent, and it's no accident that only he comes across as having any personality at all. It's quite fun to notice Wolf Kahler with a single line of dialogue as one of the ill-fated SS squadron (more famous for having his face melted at the end of 'Raiders of the Lost Ark', and for saying "Excellente" in the long running Ferrero Rocher ad). Alberta Watson and Scott Glenn are both truly awful as the 'meet-one-minute-inexplicably-have-gratuitous-sex-the-next' mis-matched couple. You get the feeling Watson was only cast because she was prepared to strip naked and Glenn because he needed to look moody and implacable. Which he does. Actually, that's all he does.

The whole film is so poorly paced and executed it feels like the action takes place over the hour and a half you're watching the film. In this instance an extra 30 minutes would have improved the film 110%. The first deaths happen within ten minutes of the film starting and everything is rushed as fast as possible to the conclusion from that point - and what a conclusion. It's a dry ice and laser effect extravaganza with no tension, no drama, in fact no conflict at all. The Talisman that green blooded, contact-lensed Glenn slots onto his staff is pretty clearly a flashlight with a cross stuck on it. The villain himself, when not rushing about as a blue special effect dismembering stormtroopers, appears as a comically rubbery red-eyed bodybuilder. The vampire with God-like powers of the source material would have far more interesting.

The Tangerine Dream score is unmemorable and even more intrusive than usual, and that's saying something. Here it is inappropriate, and often extremely annoying. All tension and pace are completely thrown out of the window by the incessant synth wailing away in the foreground. The funniest (and stupidest) point of the score is the final cue which somehow turns into "Walking in the Air" from the animated kid's short "The Snowman". No, honestly - check the soundtrack listings, they actually credit Howard Blake. The only explanation for this would be a potential lawsuit after T.D. pinched the theme. There's no way Michael Mann could have wanted the end of his mystical romantic fantasy Nazi horror effort to finish with a piece of music associated with young boys singing about Christmas intentionally. When I recognised the theme I laughed out loud at the sheer preposterousness of the link.

There is much to mock in this effort and little to praise, and although it does have a uniqueness due to a few decent actors, large scope, and annoying 80s synth score, it really isn't worth your time. Seeing Mann chose to remake his shoddy TV movie 'L.A. Takedown' as 'Heat', perhaps he might be tempted to do this film again properly, until then, Keep well clear of this shameful mistake. A generous 5 out of 10.