. 

With The Great Pixel Girl Conflict resolved (and several more healthy swigs of island hootch in their bellies), the Myst Sheriff and Tex Murphy's biggest fan set off through the dark, meandering catacombs in search of an exit... and an explanation for the mutilated bodies in the museum cellar. 

The two men plodded along for hours noting compass directions, each turn and the distance between every intersection. 

But the corridors were endless and they were about to give up when it dawned on Tincup that normal, linear thinking might be the problem. 

So he brainstormed with SirDave and they decided to treat the situation like an adventure-game puzzle. 

With renewed hope, they pooled all their gear, tried every combination of items in their possession and discovered a very odd solution that involved...

Consulting a walkthrough. Which just happened to be lying nearby. They agreed that they needed help and that this might solve all of this craziness once and for all. Tincup reached for the large volume, at least several hundred pages in length, but SirDave suddenly said,

'Hold on! We have to consider who is behind this ridiculous plot we find ourselves involved in. Consulting a walkthrough is just what they think we'll do. Nope- we can't give them that satisfaction.'

With that, SirDave lit a match and ignited each corner of the over-sized booklet. Tincup muttered to himself, 'This dude is really crazy' and decided that perhaps it was best that he...

. 

... part ways with the stubborn sheriff. 

But he quickly changed his mind when SirDave erupted into a loud, boisterous laugh and proudly announced, "Aha! I've got it!" 

"Every intersection we've found has a small arrow marker with an unobtrusive, little hexagonal hole underneath. If we combine your official Tex Murphy signature penlight shaft with my miniature Myst lighthouse-gear keychain ornament, they form a small allen wrench that should fit the openings." 

With that, they fashioned the makeshift tool and hurriedly backtracked to the last intersection.

When SirDave inserted the allen wrench and turned it 90 degrees, the entire corridor system began to shutter and it shifted to create a single, straight hallway with a bright light at the end. 

They ran to the light and dove in head first, landing right in front of the Red Cap Ale display not 20 feet from the museum stairs. 

...douse the flames with his seltzer dispenser. "Listen, we don't need to look at it but let's not burn it, not yet. It weighs enough to make a great door stop and we're sure to run into one of those clever obstacles down here. Besides there are tons of empty "note" pages at they end - I propose we start drawing maps... And here, I found a set of colored pens in that bin of chocolate bars..."

"What was I thingking lol!" The stairs - the Jamaica beachs just overhead...

. 

Despite still lacking a reason behind the mass of human decay in the museum cellar, the men decided to get out of there and take a well deserved break from dangerous detective work for the day. 

So they quickly climbed the stairs, dashed through the lobby and found themselves back on the waterfront road across from a beachside tavern. 

Dog tired and thirsting for an ice-cold liquid refreshment, they entered the establishment and found two comfortable seats at the bar overlooking the ocean just in time to watch a magnificent sunset unfold. 

"Barkeep" Tincup called, "two of your tallest, coldest rum punches with extra bitters and some unfiltered smokes if you've got 'em." 

"Coming right up" the lady bartender chirped as she spun around to flash an all-too familiar smile.  

It was a deliciously tanned Pixel Girl in the flesh wearing a colorful island sarong with fresh, exotic flowers in her hair and an alluring, dusky scent that wafted gently through the warm, salty air. 

Suddenly, it was game back on for the affection of Tincup and SirDave's shared fantasy woman.   

Though, on further thought, perhaps it wasn't 'game back on' for the affections of Pixel Girl. SirDave was not as distracted by her pixelated cleavage as Officer Penrod had been. He (SirDave) preferred something in a higher resolution and well, he found Pixel Girl just too digital for his tastes. Something more in line with an analog Jennifer Aniston was more to his taste.

On the other hand, Tincup seemed particularly taken by Pixel Girl's outfit to the point where he suddenly reached out and...

...and tapped SirDave on the shoulder. "My god! Isn't that Jennifer Aniston on the other side of the room?" SirDave perked up from his reverie and strained to catch a glimpse, even getting out of his seat and started wading through the crowded dance floor. The sly misdirection a success I grabbed my drink and slid down to where Pixel Girl was making Mohitos at end of the bar. "I believe we met in the catacombs earlier, name is TinCup". She smiled and in her 8-bit mini was quite the stunner. 

A shout from the direction of the dance floor interupted her reply - "TinCup! You must come over and meet Jenifer! She was absolutely amazed you recognized her in the Cleopatra costume!"...

.  

But Tincup was so transfixed by Pixel Girl's hypnotic eyes and disarming smile, SirDave's invitation went unnoticed.  He had fallen hopelessly under her spell. 

The Myst Sheriff quickly realized he was intruding on a private moment and returned to the dance floor where the object of his own desire eagerly awaited. 

As the evening wore on, many more rum punches were consumed and both men became oblivious to the outside world. 

When Pixel Girl's shift was over, she joined Tincup and they went out to the veranda.  Meanwhile, SirDave and Jen snuck off to the beach. 

The chances of getting lucky never looked better... 

Back in the control room, where Helen and Caroline had almost sated their hunger for chocolate, Helen turned away from the screens where SirDave and Tincup were both in their very different ways, trying to impress the woman of their dreams and pointed out 'Have you noticed that when men get to fulfil their secret fantasies it's all about sex yet women are easily satisfied with a bit of Belgium's finest...?'

'Eh?' muttered Caroline putting down the phone. 'I've just ordered another box from 'Dial-a-Chocolate'.  I said we'd have it delivered by the bodybuilder this time.  That surf lifesaver who brought the last box didn't have the stamina needed, I thought'.

Helen nodded her approval.  'Yeah.... all those stairs with that big box....  It takes a real man to keep women with our appetite satisfied'.

Just then they heard the sound of a woman's heels taking the stairs at speed.  'Rats!' muttered Helen. 'Trav's back.  Now we'll have to share it three ways.'

'No probs' said Caroline grabbing the phone.  'I've got them on speed dial.  I order more before he's even left the store.'  

. 

Back in Jamaica, the moonlight danced upon a panorama of gentle waves and a warm, tropical breeze swept across the beach as Tincup and SirDave found true romance. 

Completely immersed in rapture, they didn't notice when the ocean started churning like a huge pot of boiling water and something ominous emerged just offshore. 

Like a Lovecraftian nightmare, it rose above the surface to a height of 500 feet and cast its hideous, red eyes upon the town. 

By the time the men realized what was happening, it was too late to sound a warning - let alone mount any kind of offense. 

The best they could do was get Jen and Pixel Girl to safety. 

As they ran for cover in a nearby boathouse, the massive beast stormed onto the sandy dunes and crushed the tavern in a single, monstrous step.  The poor people inside never knew what hit them. 

"My God!" Jen screamed, "We're all going to die and here I am wearing a stupid Cleopatra costume." 

The other three were a bit less concerned about appearances and they grabbed the terrified actress to stop her from panicking. 

She quickly calmed down and the four of them laid low while the giant creature destroyed half the waterfont before returning to the sea. 

When it was over, they surveyed the total destruction, which included the museum. 

"I guess we're not getting back in there anytime soon," Tincup observed. 

"Nope." SirDave agreed, "We'll have to find another way into the catacombs." 

 "Catacombs?" Jen inquired, "What catacombs?" 

SirDave was awestruck. Jennifer was amazingly attractive, but surprisingly adventure game dumb. 'You mean, you don't know what catacombs are?', He said with a tone of exasperation. Her response bordered on the hysterical, her voice rising with each sentence: 'Am I supposed to know everything? Do you think I'm just a dumb actress? I know what this is. I've been there before. You're doing a Brad Pitt on me. I suppose you have an Angelina stashed away somewhere! A smart beautiful Angelina! Well, go ahead, I don't need you. I don't need anybody. I'm PREGNANT!'

SirDave was now beyond awestruck, 'What the...', he blurted out. He started to shake; he started to tremble and then suddenly relaxed, saying under his breath, 'No it can't be mine; we only made out 5 minutes ago!'

But there was no time to waste on this brief downturn because all of a sudden, the Clomp, Clomp, Clomp of the giant monster returned and for the first time, its features became clearer: It was the spitting image of the Pillsbury Doughboy from the old movie, The Ghostbusters, but this one (in addition to the aforementioned hideous red eyes) had a security officer's hat and uniform with a badge that said 'Officer Penrod'. Was this some sort of parallel universe? The only explanation that immediately came to mind was...

. 

... that thing was hot for Pixel Girl and boy, was he jealous! 

Throwing the last of my drink into the sand I got out of my chaise longue - "Quickly everyone, this way, before dough-for-brains sees us!" and pointed to a clump of palm trees further down the beach. Jogging along the surf with Gargantua not sure of his next move we reached the stand of bowing palms. Pushing through the fronds we emerged on a hidden sheltered inlet. Moored there was a glistening hovercraft... "Fire up the turbines Chang we need to get out of here and fast!" I shouted across the water. Chang popped up out of a deck hatch and shouted back "On it TC! - the zodiac's in the ferns right next to you... hey and like the crowd youv'e brought along!"...

. 

SirDave and Jen hopped aboard the hovercraft with Chang while TC and Pixel Girl raced off in the specially outfitted Navy S.E.A.L. Zodiac. 

Both high-speed vessels were equipped with laser-sighted turrets and pastry-seeking rockets. 

"It's time to shake and bake!" TC howled as they spun around and joined the hovercraft in a death-defying tactical attack on the towering monster ahead. 

'oh good lord!' muttered Lady K as she watched SirDave and Tincup take off with their women. 'That SirDave's a real fast worker - bun in the oven already??.  I'll have to get him fixed pdq.  Can't have one man populating half of California.'   Then she punched a few keys and her screens blinked to show her the CIA agents dragging the unconscious chocolate delivery boy into their van and substituting their own man in his place.  Being super fit, he took the stairs three at a time and wasn't even out of breath when he knocked on the door, only breathing heavily.

The girls' faces were a ridiculous picture of disappointment when they saw only one small box in his hands and were about to beat the poor man senseless when he astonished them with an iPad displaying Lady K's image.

The video call didn't go well.  She read them the riot act and told them to get back on the search for Bobo and the Nabuhitians.  'World Peace and the survival of the Human Race depends on your success.  So get to it!'   

The agent pressed a few keys on the iPad and it suddenly emitted a beam of bright light that swept the room.  As it passed over Traveller, Caroline and Helen, they were each dematerialised and transported somewhere else.....  

. 

The three inseparable Sisters of Security (aka SoS) rematerialized together just outside the Office of Extraterrestrial Affairs where the investigation was being coordinated by bureau chief, Lady K. 

They quickly wiped away all traces of their most recent chocolate binge and entered through a non-descript door in the back of a pawnbroker's shop in the seedier part of London's bustling East End. 

An imposing formal foyer lined with stoic security agents greeted the trio, who already knew the drill. 

They dutifully passed through a series of scanners in a long, narrow hallway single file before being admitted to the director's inner office. 

"No time for pleasantries," Lady K curtly announced. "The alien situation just became a lot dicier and we don't have a moment to lose." 

"damn, I hate transporting, it makes my head spin" Helen complained. "And then to get read the riot act by Lady K....."

  Caroline and traveller look around trying to find some chocolate to settle Helen down so they could start planning what their next move should be. They knew the next time Lady K didnt think they were doing their job, it would be more than just a tongue lashing

they would get. Maybe they should call in Colpet.

As a strange coincidence, Colpet was at that very moment wondering how she could get in touch with her unit leader, Lady K.  She was at work, watching some strange events unfolding on the midday news when an unaccompanied cat walked in.  Thinking it needed assistance,  Colpet put down her freshly made cup of Starbucks coffee and wandered into the reception area. 

'You are my minion' boomed The Voice. 

Colpet looked around the empty reception. 'Huh?' she muttered, absentmindedly stroking the head of the fluffy grey cat.

'You are under my control and will obey me without question!' said The Voice sounding angry.

'Where is that voice coming from?' asked Colpet out loud.

'Imbecile!' hissed The Voice as the receptionist sidled into the room. 'She hasn't drunk the coffee....'

. 

Unbeknownst to Colpet, the stray cat was actually an evil incarnation of Christina Aguilera, pop diva and lone female judge on American TV's hottest talent show, The Voice. 

She had grown bored with mere fame and fortune, and longed for real power - the kind of power that let's you control the course of mankind. 

She had also become involved with a secret society of alien sympathizers, learned to project her thoughts into the minds of others and recruited Colpet's formerly loyal receptionist, Debby. 

Acting under the influence of Christina's powerful mind control, Debby had drugged Colpet's coffee in an attempt to attain the access codes to Lady K's global security network. 

"Oh my, you haven't touched your delicious latte," Debby coerced. "You know you're no good until you've had your morning brew." 

Coplet nodded in agreement and was just about to drink the corrupted java drink when...

SoS, (Caroline, Traveller, and Helen ) burst into the room. Caroline knocked the coffee out of Colpets hand as Traveller and Helen wresteled Debby to the ground.

 "We made it just in time" Caroline said. "Now what should we do with Debby?"

. 

"We need to get her to deprogramming on sub-level nine," Helen replied. 

"That's for sure," Colpet agreed "and did anyone see where that strange cat got off to?" 

But the feline was nowhere in sight. 

After the SoS took care of the unconscious receptionist, they regrouped in Colpet's office to formulate a plan over freshly brewed coffee and Belgian chocolates. 

In less than an hour, they had devised a scheme to trap the fluffy manifestation of Christina Aguilera's ego and turn the tables on her alien friends. 

"Okay then - Traveller, Helen and I will go undercover as groupies while Colpet coordinates things from central control," Caroline confirmed.

With that, the three fearless security agents donned platinum blonde wigs, applied ample amounts of Christina's signature makeup and set out on a their covert mission. 

Originally Posted By Terry Penrod (7 OCT 2012 4:11am)

With that, the three fearless security agents donned platinum blonde wigs, applied ample amounts of Christina's signature makeup and set out on their covert mission:

"Bobo Gets a Booger"

Lady Gaga was already up to her neck with wardrobe problems, but there Christina was, weeping and sobbing into Lady G.'s urethane-encrusted mememeit'sallaboutmePhone: "Bobo's got a booger that won't quit." Ms. Aguilera cried, "I've called the Sisters of Security and they have suggested reversing my industrial vacuum cleaner to 'Blow' rather than 'Suck' and insert the crevice tool into one of Bobo's nares."

Lady Gaga feigned interest: "Did it work, dear? Did it dislodge that booger of Bobo's swimmingly?"

"No, it didn't!", replied Christina. "And he keeps digging and picking his nose in the most inappropriate places. Why, the management at your own restaurant, La Gaganana Qui?, asked us if she should call 9-1-1 for medical attention."

Back at Central Control, Colpet heard of this via encrypted messages from Lady Gaga and having to deal with egomaniacs and power freaks, Bobo's booger problem was the least of her pressing concerns.

"Bobo can blow that booger out his bloody booty-hole for all I care!" stressed Coordinator Colpet.

And with that, Mme. Colpet retired to her parlor, called for a banana daiquiri, and settled back to read the latest texts from Lady Kestrel.

. 

Meanwhile... 

The well-disguised Sisters of Security *cue ridiculously dramatic musical stinger* were able to gain acccess to the set of NBC's hit talent show, The Voice using counterfeit International Christina Aguilera Fan Club President badges. 

The Diva judge and her legendary ego were still in the dressing room for a typical four-hour makeup session and gown-adorning operation, which required a crew of seven using heavy industrial equipment. 

But Cee Lo Green, Adam Levine and Blake Shelton were already seated in the theater for that day's rehearsal. 

Although The SoS were real pros, they were also normal women with healthy sexual appetites and the sight of those three music idols got them more than a little excited. 

So while they waited what seemed an eternity for Christina to make her grand entrance, Caroline, Trav and Helen decided to sneak past the auditorium guards and approach the attractive male judges. 

They easily snuck through the backstage area and had reached the middle of the darkened theater when suddenly the house lights went up and a booming voice came over the loudspeaker system. 

"Halt!" the authoritative voice ordered. "You are imposters. Drop those blonde wigs and freeze." 

Knowing their cover was blown, The Sisters launched into a coordinated cascade of evasive acrobatic leaps, spins and tumbles down the aisle and onto the main stage where they quickly ascended to the scaffolding high above and made their escape through a skylight. 

"Well damn," Caroline rued "I suppose it's time for Plan B.  But first, let's take a chocolate break." 

A quick search through their stage costumes turned up nothing but empty wrappers but just as they were heading off to find the nearest store, Colpet stopped them in their tracks with instructions from Lady K.  'It's on girls!' she shouted happily.  'We’re going to be part of a real mission at last!  They're sending transport.'

It's probably fair to say all three of them visualised very different transport to what actually turned up. 

. 

The only thing missing from the little, floating, yellow house was a cranky old codger that sounded like Ed Asner.

The high-flying abode was stocked with a generous supply of the finest chocolates and tasty beverages - not to mention a state-of-the-art comm center, complete weapon arsenal, robotic butler and private stateroom suites with luxurious bubble-bathtubs.   

Its modest outward appearance had been designed to fly "under the enemy's radar", so it provided The SoS with a perfect form of transportation. 

"This thing is amazing... inside," exclaimed Traveller.  "But it sure looks silly from the outside." 

Helen and Caroline nodded in agreement as they munched on another plate of rich, double-extra-chocolate cake with triple chocolate-cream frosting, dark chocolate-hazelnut gelato and cups of intense essence of mocha-cocoa loco. 

"Mmmmmmmmmmmm," Caroline purred as she and her sisters of covert missions hovered safely above the clouds. "That is some goooood choco..."

She was interupted in mid sentence by a special security alert from HQ. 

"Attention ladies," the urgent message blurted. "Colpet here with details on you next mission."