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| 13 JUN 2010 at 2:45pm |
HalcyonSchattenjger
Posts : 1652
Joined: 17 NOV 2006
Status : Offline | Don't know what to make of this. It's sort of like a Carol Reed slideshow tale, but no characters yet. Just memories of a girl sleeping on a train. As I understand it, the story gets darker, but so far I see no reason for a video version of this story.
I didn't make it to the end of the demo, so maybe something happens. It was so dull, I was afraid I was being subjected to subliminal messages. That's just silly. Excuse me now, I have an urge to go out and buy a new car.
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| 13 JUN 2010 at 3:34pm |
XportmediaIntergalactic Janitor
Posts : 6
Joined: 13 JUN 2010
Status : Online | Hi there
Thanks for taking the time to download the game and post your comments. Sorry it wasn't the game for you, but if you have any feedback I'd be welcome to listen. This is my first attempt at a game so it's a huge learning curve for me.
The game was designed as a solitary experience played through memories. When people are dealing with the darker parts of their life it is quite an insular experience. Having dealt with issues of depression in the past I have seen how people remove themselves from society. Many even lock themselves away. Hopefully I can communicate some of those thoughts in the game.
Anyway - Thanks for your interest and for posting
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| 13 JUN 2010 at 3:54pm |
HalcyonSchattenjger
Posts : 1652
Joined: 17 NOV 2006
Status : Offline | Thank you for posting, as well.
I like the concept a great deal, but the storyline should be structured like your description above: start with a conflict or challenge that our girl must overcome, a challenge she may solve or resolve in her dream. Begin by getting your audience's sympathy for your heroine, then they'll want to know how the story turns out.
Anyway, there are plenty of how-to writing books out there that can help you. To entertain or involve your gamers, you need to tell a story that moves. And how can the gameplayer help her solve those riddles or problems? This is a game, correct?
Also, concerning my other comment about visuals, the artwork is fine, but it should hold interest of its own, instead of just an illustration for the narrative. If your heroine is to resolve something in her dreams, that means that she needs to find the keys that will unlock those memories. This is an excellent chance for the art to show more than she is describing, helping her remember and moving the story along.
She probably blames herself for something, but, for instance, she can resolve her depression and self-blame by discovering in this dream-memory that no one could have endured what she did and come away unscathed.
Anyway..those are a few more constructive ideas to supplement my first vague post.Good luck!
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| 13 JUN 2010 at 4:39pm |
XportmediaIntergalactic Janitor
Posts : 6
Joined: 13 JUN 2010
Status : Online | The point you make about 'conflict or challenge' is good and one that I may have overlooked in my introduction. As the player you trying to discover why Anna got on the train and where she is going. The memories that you play through will ultimately answer those questions.
When we begin, the player finds themselves in Anna's dream. There is the question of why the door to her fathers study has appeared in her thoughts; and how her dream relates to the events in her real life. As a writer I wanted to ask these questions, but maybe the questions aren't explicit enough for a game.
Issues about faith, protection and innocence are explored, but these are done through puzzles. There are two puzzles within the demo that touch on the life of both Anna's parents. I was keen to ensure that while this was a game intended to tell a story that the puzzles become part of the narrative. There is a design within the game – solve the puzzle, get the reward, unlock new challenges.
When you talk about the 'video version of the story' are you referring to the short cut scene when you complete a puzzle? These were intended to simply act as a link from solving the puzzle and the memory that Anna unlocks. There is no hidden meaning behind them, just a means of setting the scene as most film makers would.
At the end of the day, it's because of the great feedback that I have gotten from people like yourself that I'm sure I can make the game better. Hopefully I can find the right balance between story and gameplay for the final release.
Paul
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| 13 JUN 2010 at 4:53pm |
HalcyonSchattenjger
Posts : 1652
Joined: 17 NOV 2006
Status : Offline | Thanks, and I"ll go back and finish the demo.
By the visuals in the game, I mean everything we're looking at. What the girl was saying and what we were seeing were the same--she was simply narrating what we were seeing. I was suggesting that that could be more interesting if there were things that the player saw that she didn't mention, things that would mean something.
From the demo, I didn't get a strong feeling of story. The door we first see wasn't something of curiosity because it has been done before and, in fact, the isolated door is a stock symbol of "you're going someplace very different now." If the door popped up in her dream and she immediately grew terrified but her dream forced her through the door, then I'd be curious.
Anyway, I hope the full game does well!
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