| 16 OCT 2009 at 3:56am |
CarolineJA+ Overseer
Posts : 16540
Joined: 28 JAN 2007
Location: AU
Status : Offline | Lovely to hear from you again Bethany. rop in any time. :-* :-*
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| 16 OCT 2009 at 4:10am |
SirDaveGuild Master
Posts : 4941
Joined: 17 OCT 2002
Location: US
Status : Offline | Nice to hear from you Bethany. I know that by now you have heard just about all the different perspectives there are to hear, but fwiw perhaps this is one you haven't and may be of some use if not now, some years from now. You may have heard the phrase 'living is hard' and much as younger people may find it difficult to meet all the challenges of youth- what do I want to be, can I get the right education for it, when would I like to get married & to whom and how will I accomplish all that and so on- the fact is that the longer one lives the more, not less, challenges one faces.
As in your mother's case and with more adults than you may think, various illnesses and sources of physical and emotional pain increase after ages 35 to 40 if not earlier. Our bodies start to give out and we become less confident in our own physicial & emotional stamina while at the same time we continue to worry about our children even moreso as they get older and have their children.
Perhaps with all you are learning from this experience that we all wish you had been spared, you may be more prepared for some of life's adversities and may be able to develop your own strategy for minimizing them. I do know personally that that is very possible when one is forewarned. So this is not meant to be a downer of message, but rather both an explanation of how adults come to your mother's position and also a positive reinforcement that you have every reason to have a long happy life as long as you are well prepared.
All the best.
The future ain't what it used to be!
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| 16 OCT 2009 at 11:47am |
karlaAdministrator
Posts : 2592
Joined: 27 JUL 2003
Location: US, Close to the Edge
Status : Offline | Thanks so much for the wonderful posting, Bethany, and for letting us know that you and your family are getting along okay. I wish you only the best.
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| 16 OCT 2009 at 11:22pm |
AShadowWalkerPrivate Detective
Posts : 776
Joined: 6 AUG 2009
Status : Online | Originally Posted By gamergal (16 OCT 2009 3:32am)
No, it's not a ghost, I'm Bethany, daughter of Michelle/Gamergal.
It's well over 6 months since my mom died and I just wanted to let ya'll know we're all ok.
I appreciate JA not deleting her account....i lost my login password, etc in all the confusion. Besides, I prefer to login under Mama's account here....it just feels right (I don't know why).
I'm in college now, living near campus in a student apartment. My dad and grandparents are to thank for that. I'm soooo lucky to have such a supportive family and i'm doing my best to make them proud. My grade point average is 4.0!!!!!
Although i don't know what i want to major in, i'm considering the medical field in honor of my mom. but i know it takes more than that to care for others....not quite sure if i'm willing to make that kind of sacrifice. I saw my mom cry too many times after getting home from work to commit to that field right now.
Anyway, I and the family are dealing with the loss we've experienced. I miss my mom every day, but I can't be angry anymore.....I understand that her pain outweighed her coping mechanisms.......people often see suicide as "selfish"....not so...my mama was the most selfless person alive....she was just in so much pain.
I'm still working my way through her games. Good gracious, what a collection!!!!!!!!!!! I guess my favorite right now is King's quest 2....she wrote about it in her old journals.....I was just a baby....she wrote that she wished I was as simple to explain as KQ....
A quote: "I can't figure out why my baby is screaming!!!!! She's dry, fed, burped, held in my arms, rocked, and sung to. God, no one told me how much breastfeeding hurts! I love her, but WHY WHY WHY is she crying?!? Mom gets mad when I pick her up when she's crying, but I can't help it. I'm going to take her downstairs and watch, and maybe help, my brother with KQ2. It's got to be a breeze after dealing with aching breasts, no sleep, and a screaming kid"
Soooo cool. It's nice to know how much she loved me!!!!!
Thank you all for reading this.
Bethany
Hello There!
Bethany, my sincerest condolences for the loss in your life. No one can take the place of a mother, and unfortunately you will never forget or get over it. You will be able to cope; but, you will never either forget or be able to close that chapter in your life.
As far as feeling better logging under her own account...it is your way of keeping a part of her, or rather her memory alive within you; as though you were still in her presence or rather as she would still be with you.
My favorite computer games happen also to be the King's Quest series. To me is much more than just a computer game, I actually feel like I am part of the the story, and to me is the most romantic ones of all. oing all for your kingdom's needs and mostly doing deeds and challenges for the love of your life. Might seem to be that your mother was a total romantic at heart.
I envy that you have a supportive family, but in a nice way! That is good, and you are indeed very fortunate to have others support and carry the love that your mother had for you. Wonderful that she had a journal which in a way can bring your mother's writing and thoughts back to you. Wonderful and useful to fill the void presently in your heart.
As far as following a career in medicine, its good that you will wait I think until you have a better rudder to guide you. This may appear not to be the time. My only advice is to follow your heart, and do what you want, otherwise you may wind up regretting it afterwards.
I myself, did not and do not have the love and support of a family that held me together when my mother passed away. I found her lying in bed after her stroke, and I had spoken to her at 11 o'clock at night, to then find her in bed....gone.....at 7:45am.
So I am glad that you have others who gave you support in your time of most need.
I sometimes "imagine" that my mother is walking with me, as I go to work or shopping in the same places we used to go to. And I feel very much better when I see her name coming in on mail, and bank accounts we shared. I have had some of her accounts closed by banks, and that irked me much because I want to still see her name around, and I do know of believe I do know how your truly feel.
So hang in there, and yes...you will cope better having lost your mom...but you will never....ever....get over it.
Wish you the best.....Shadowwalker
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| 17 OCT 2009 at 4:58pm |
HelenGuild Master
Posts : 3436
Joined: 12 OCT 2002
Location: US
Status : Offline | So glad to hear you are doing well Bethany. You seem to have a very positive attitude and I know your mom would be proud.
Hope to see you around here often.
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| 18 OCT 2009 at 4:14am |
Ex-JAStaff3Private Detective
Posts : 734
Joined: 10 MAR 2004
Location: US
Status : Offline | All our best to you from the JA staff, Bethany. We do miss your mom very much around here. Thank you for letting us know how you're doing. We wish you well in college.
Retired Spam Zapper & Troll Tackler
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| 18 OCT 2009 at 8:22am |
| Deleted User | May I add to the sentiment of being glad to see that you are coping so well at the moment Bethany.
Although the pain does tend to ease as time goes by, this kind of loss, as expressed by other posters, never "goes away" but instead it becomes a part of you. The sharpness, newness and intensity of the pain, does tend to seem to "fade" as it becomes integrated with your experience of life as it continues.
There will be days, however, that something triggers a memory, and something just snaps inside of you and you will break down and cry as the pain and feeling of loss comes flooding back, but there will be good days too, like the memory of her love, and the feeling that it still envelops you. The good days will simply become more frequent, and the "bad" days shorter and more far between.
This is what I wish for you: that the memories will eventually mainly only bring feelings of warmth and love, and that the pain will become bittersweet and softer and softer. We will always need just a vestige of pain for those that we loved though, to remind us of how much we loved them. You will start to understand that you need to hold on to just a vestige of pain, because that is what goes with love, and that that is all right, it is part of being human.
I'm very glad to hear that you have been coping well with the anger, and that you feel that you can finally start to lay it to rest; also that you have gained a lot of insight as to the "why" of how things happened.
I wish all the best for you, and hope that you pop in frequently to let us all know how you are doing.
I want to agree with something another poster had said: My only advice is to follow your heart, and do what you want, otherwise you may wind up regretting it afterwards.
This is true, even if what you had thought you had wanted, turns out not to have been the right thing for you; because if you had never tried it in the first place, you will never know if that would have been the right path, and you will always hanker and wonder about it, and have regrets that you did not at least try it.
If you do find it is not the right thing for you, this is also okay, but at least you will then have certainty about the matter. I must agree though, that people in the medical field do tend to see many sad and disturbing things, and that you have to be strong inside to be able to cope with that aspect.
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| 27 OCT 2009 at 11:44pm |
AShadowWalkerPrivate Detective
Posts : 776
Joined: 6 AUG 2009
Status : Online | Hello There!
How are you holding up Bethany.
Just looked up a photo of your mom, and downloaded it into my email.
Your mom is a gorgeous lady indeed.
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| 28 OCT 2009 at 2:16am |
MissBSchattenjger
Posts : 2217
Joined: 15 OCT 2002
Status : Online | Thanks SW.
Yes, she was very beautiful. A beautiful person inside and out.
I'll never be as pretty as her, genes I guess, but i'm still proud she was my mother.
My name is Bethany and I'm the daughter of Gamergal/Michelle.
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| 28 OCT 2009 at 6:30pm |
AShadowWalkerPrivate Detective
Posts : 776
Joined: 6 AUG 2009
Status : Online | Originally Posted By gamergal (28 OCT 2009 2:16am)
Thanks SW.
Yes, she was very beautiful. A beautiful person inside and out.
I'll never be as pretty as her, genes I guess, but i'm still proud she was my mother.
Hey we’ll have none of that here Bethany…..
Beauty is not always in the way you look at yourself……
It’s the entire package…..that others can see…..and appreciate…far more oftentimes than you......
Take the color of your eyes, they could be bewitching indeed….
Or the sound of your voice, it could be melodious and delightfully enticing to hear and share too.
The color of your own hair; color can be changed…..and so can a style to suit you and bring out your best!
The way your teeth look; they can be wonderfully white and even…if not…its still you!
and could be bettered…….your choice as well too.
The jaw line of your face……can delight just as well……
Or the shape of your nose…..even large noses are beautiful…..and sexy too.
The shape of your body can delight and beguile…..and exercise can turn you into a goddess……most wild.
Your hands can be wonderfully seductive….and so can a great nail job make it so true.
Your legs can be awesome…..and exercise better them so.
Real women have curves….and they can improve those too…..
And you know what is even better than all that…..after you take care of the outside package with stylish clothes too.
Your mind in the way you think…….
Your laughter in the way it can be enjoyed and experienced too.
And your character…..which can be the nicest and most beautiful of all…..
And your spirit…..to soothe a hurting soul too.
So do not think of yourself like that…..
Even some girls…or women who think they are not all that….can indeed be true beauties in looks, spicy goodness….and character too.
If anything you have showed till now is true.....you have a beautiful soul true!
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| 1 NOV 2009 at 11:09pm |
AShadowWalkerPrivate Detective
Posts : 776
Joined: 6 AUG 2009
Status : Online | Hey guys....anyone heard from Bethany? Just wondering how she is doing.
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| 2 NOV 2009 at 2:13am |
CarolineJA+ Overseer
Posts : 16540
Joined: 28 JAN 2007
Location: AU
Status : Offline | Shadow
Bethany is at college so hopefully she's busy studying, making friends and hanging out. When she visits us old fogeys here, it's a rare and special treat. We don't pester her. She has family. And we don't fret if Bethany doesn't log in again for a while. She knows where we are and she's doing fine.
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| 2 NOV 2009 at 3:19pm |
AShadowWalkerPrivate Detective
Posts : 776
Joined: 6 AUG 2009
Status : Online | good
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| 3 NOV 2009 at 5:59pm |
EvaGuild Master
Posts : 3247
Joined: 5 NOV 2002
Status : Offline | I haven't posted here for a long time but I still lurk. I only just found out about Michelle, and I just want to say how sorry I am to hear about it. I remember her very well from her posts. It's very good to see that Michelle's daughter is doing so well. I wish you all the best, Bethany.
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| 5 NOV 2009 at 11:28pm |
gailSchattenjger
Posts : 1659
Joined: 19 JAN 2004
Status : Offline | Thanks for the update, Bethany. You're Mom and I used to chat about our daughters here via private messages. She always wanted to do what was best. She loved you so very much. I'm glad you can feel that now. =]
Sending hugs your way.
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in the other screaming, "WOO HOO what a ride!!!
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