| Deleted User | Caroline, I don't want to argue any of your basic opinions. Simply the fact that you seem to have read different things into a simple statement that did not actually say those things.
Firstly, a "partner" does not necessarily mean "spouse". This thread is for anyone who shares most of his life with another person; be they a gay couple, a co-habiting romantically involved couple, (something almost more common than a formal "marriage " these days, and may I say it, a state which I personally prefer unless children come along;- which to me is the only justification for marriage these days - but that is a totally off-topic digression), simply boyfriend and girlfriend, and then also includes married couples.
This is why the thread's title is: "The non-gaming partner"; and not "The non-gaming spouse". In the latter case, the discussion would have appropriately extended to marriages and children; as it stands, it's simply about whether most people manage to find a romantic
partner (including, but not exclusively - a spouse) who shares their gaming passion; - and the consequences if they do not.
The remark: If there is no respect for the partners interests, there is no meaning in the relationship. , I personally think is within the context of the thread, and does not purport to comment on marriages, and does not even come close to the subject of children or divorce. Sure, it is slightly judgemental, and if you really want to pick it apart, could have been put slightly differently to have made the meaning absolutely clear; but I understand what the author meant in context, and taking into account that he is German, I actually think his English is excellent.
None of us initially commented on marriage, divorce, or the effect of divorce on children. When you (Caroline) brought the subject up, myself and another poster commented that we think it more desirable for couples who have children, to split up (for the children's sake) when "lack of respect" amounts to: One partner physically hurting/harming the other partner, and/or one partner swearing at, calling names, being derogatory and emotionally abusive towards the other person, especially when this happens in public, which only adds to the abused person's humiliation.
"Lack of respect" in the context that we were using it, does not simply mean 'one person 'talking down to' the other person; - that is an overly sensitive interpretation if the term, I would think. One could still generally respect someone as a person but still 'talk down to' them and be condescending towards them at times. Often you will find that this not through a real lack of respect, but that the condescending person is hiding his own doubts about himself, and needs to appear authoratitive. It could simply be an expression of dominance, which is the way many men need to relate, as part of their personalities. That is not at all what we were referring to. As I had explained before, I personally was not using the term "respect" to mean "admiration" or "esteem"; but rather "tolerance for" when used in the context of "respect for the other's interests", and in the relationship sense, to mean "not harming the other person"; this is meant in the same sense that when people say: "Respect Planet Earth/Nature", they mean: "o not trash Planet Earth"; "do not harm Nature".
And I will stand by my stance that I believe it is better for children not to witness one parent abusing the other. Seeing as they usually love both parents, this is severly traumatic for them in many ways. Not only is it traumatic to see your mother or father physically/emotionally/verbally abused, children feel they need to "choose" between the parents, and warring parents usually also require the children to choose, and most often use the children as pawns in their wars, to the children's detriment.
Of course it would be better for parents to try and work at getting respect into their relationship; but if they cannot reach a point where they at least ostensibly treat one another with respect, it is certainly in the children's interests for them to remove themselves from such a relationship.
In any case, the comment:
If there is no respect for the partners interests, there is no meaning in the relationship. , was not even commenting on one person's respect for the other person as a whole, but on one person's tolerance, and aknowledgement of the other person's interests.
This was said in the context of the thread, as this thread was mainly created to discuss a specifically gaming issue; and was not intended to discuss marriages and children, which I personally feel would be more appropriate to discuss in the off-topic section.
Please note that this will be my last post regarding this particular sub-discussion, as I am currently more interested in gaming discussions than in Sociological discussions, or in public discussions of my personal life.
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